Emily complains about how SHIPT brought the camembert instead of brie.

He’s the real villain. Camilla and Diana aren’t perfect, sure, but Charles caused all of this with his giant man-baby-ness. 

I come from a long line of tough, no nonsense, Polish broads. 

BRINY SURPRISE! 

Oof people like that don’t deserve friends who cook them food. 

Sounds like your dad’s less fun version of Festivus. 

I just remembered the one Thanksgiving when my mom returned the cooked turkey to the store. She was pissed off that it turned out really dry. She hauled the whole 20lb roasted turkey in the roasting pan back to the grocery store, puts it on the customer service counter, and says she wants to return the bird because…

The year my father was dying. He was in the hospital over Thanksgiving. When they brought his dinner, there was a paper turkey placemat on the tray. For some reason that just broke my heart. Trying to make a “festive” Thanksgiving, which was his last, by putting it on a turkey placement. There was something just so…

So it was just us 3 this year and somehow we managed to screw up dinner so bad that we ate spaghetti & meatballs for instead. At least the tiny human was happy. Oddly we are normally very capable cooks but you know 2020

You don’t like your toilet up on rocks???? You don’t like the slickest substance known to humankind covering literally every surface of your bathroom? Plebian.

It kinda put me in mind of this:

Looks like an escapee from a New Year’s Eve party at Epstein’s. 

Amphetamine psychosis. Just sayin...

Delivering an 8-lb baby boy after 14 hours of labor. That was something.

I dressed up as a bong for what I thought was an adults only Halloween party. I was able to pass myself off as a teapot for the few children who dared to question me. My friend was dressed as a hooker, so I guess my costume was the lesser if two evils.

The designer probably did not like her.

Please make my veil look like a pinned-up headdress for drunken fairies.

Ivanka has always given me young President Coin vibes with the perfectly parted hair and cold, structural garb. Kellyanne is a literal banshee, so even with some rest, she still gives me Crypt Keeper vibes.

Because they hate her too.

I have fond memories of catching a lot of these at the drive-in back in the day. Some memories:

1) COUNT YORGA, VAMPIRE was probably the first PG-rated horror movie I ever saw. It hasn’t aged particularly well, but it literally gave me nightmares as a kid. (Note: the Manson thing is even more overt in the sequel, THE…