I insulted him to his face at a concert. Really small venue event for charity. You were never more than three people away from the stage. The show started two hours late and after standing outside in stilettos waiting to get in the venue, I was not in the mood. I was standing dead center in front of the stage, being…

I feel like kitten trainer must be one of the most frustrating but awesome jobs ever. One the one hand, kittens don’t listen to shit, on the other, kittens are adorable. I volunteer to be post kitten training kitten cuddler.

A spokesman for ESPN says they’ve been flooded with calls from white people overjoyed to see a black man rooting for them.

Isn’t it?

...and

I sing along to this in the car so often I think I may find out a way to wear out the CD.

So you were kidnapped at knife point and forced to go to Bakersfield? DO PEOPLE GO THERE WILLINGLY?

Because I’m in Bakersfield tonight.

The fire spreads a-faster in debris

My current music obsession, complete with the best evil villain theme eva!

Standing would seem illogical. Doesn’t that shut the poop hole up?

Men really are fucking gross. There’s no way to civilize them.

SIT YOUR ASS DOWN TO WIPE FFS.

Pictured: the unwashed hordes of Deadspin

In the spirit of equality, let’s do a ranking of boobies.

Behold the only golf cart worth talking about: the hover golf cart.

Can we all agree that while golf is utter shit, and people who actually spend 6 hours a day watching people whack a ball are crazy, but how awesome are golf carts? They are the tops!

Can confirm. I sold my clubs at Play it Again Sports last week, after I used them exactly once. My first manager out of college sat me down and told me that I should learn to play, that even women should learn if they want to make it to upper management.

i can’t work like this, i just can’t