My daughter was born that day. The anesthesiologist was inserting my IV when it came on the news. I told him that if Bush died while I was under not to wake me up because I didn’t want to live in a world where Dan Quayle was president. When he woke me up, the first thing he told me was that Bush was still alive.

Ted Cruz is the guy who deliberately whispers to have an excuse to get waaay too close when he’s talking.

Ted Cruz is the cousin you don’t leave alone with your daughter on holidays.

Harvard Grad who can’t grasp the concept behind Green Eggs and Ham and the worthless bastard is openly threatening deportation to someone who had the guts to reveal she didn’t have a choice in her current legal status.

Jesus, Ted. If they could find a way, most of your party’s voters would deport YOU. Stop trying to pretend it’s about immigration law.

As a last act of good will and under the influence of marcotics, I ask that you comment here so I can ungrey you if you’re not a troll.

Well thank you very much, dear! This is why you’re my favorite. Some of my kids are... well, I’ve had a lot of eggnog so let’s just say it. They’re as cute as a basket of kittens and at least half as smart. Bless their little hearts.

You’re a dragon truther. I get it. But it’s totally a phoenix.

We’ll have to agree to disagree. Faux “tribal” designs will always be the worst possible tattoo choice on my list.

I don’t even know if I can handle all the cute in this thread, I’m heading for the exit.

Miles keeping LA safe from his vantage point in the park.

Even in Russia, adorable puppy is adorable!

Dear Heidi,

His voice makes me wince! It’s like nails on a chalkboard to me. It’s grating, for whatever reason.

IS NO ONE GOING TO MENTION THE DANCING BEARS LAMP?

I just WINCE whenever I see Ted Cruz talking. Like, I can’t take it. Why is it so weird?!

it's so sad when your own mom isn't going to vote for you...