Yes. It totally is possible to be bad at putting clothes in a washing machine, loading detergent into the detergent tray, closing the machine, and turning it on. That definitely is a skill a person can be bad at. That wasn’t a hilariously stupid suggestion on your part at all.

Your only recourse is to tape a post-it note on that dishwasher with the word “asshole” scrawled on it. Better yet, just scribble it across the front with a Sharpie. That kind of behavior with smart appliances cannot go unpunished.

Awww man! Soooo ... we were going to wait to announce this until next week but I’m terrible at keeping secrets — I’m coming back to Deadspin :)

The fact that “cheese dust” and “caramel” are not in your top three (two!) is a goddamned travesty. I’m sure Old Bay is good and it’s hard to go wrong with some simple butter and salt but soy sauce? Dafuq?

Personally, I feel like Nihilist Arby’s does a better job at marketing Arby’s food.

But if you didn’t have Peeps how could people do awesome Peep dioramas? They multi-task and are therefore the best.

I’m not a teenage girl and I literally can’t even with your statement. Creme Eggs are a goddamn delight.

Candy corn is way worse. Candy corn doesn’t even taste good. Then you get the “caramel apple” candy corn and you’re like oh maybe this will be better! NOPE STILL SHITTY FUCK YOUR MOUTH FLAVORED CANDY CORN.

Candy corn is earwax. Fuck this take. Candy corn is an abomination. I’d rather get a toothbrush trick-or-treating than a thing of candy corn.

Seriously. I’d eat 1000 Peeps before I touched Candy Corn.

There’s a vast and healthy middle ground between mindless entertainment and intellectual fulfillment.

I hate this mentality.

After watching.

I’m not sure if you’re actually looking for a discussion, but I would argue that you can be empathetic to people without empowering or enabling them. I can understand what would cause a migrant to want to flee his home and also think it’s wrong to do so illegally.

The Batmobile’s dope this time. He’s fine. It’s fine. Honestly, he’s the least of your problems.

Buddy, whatever else I might be, one thing I absolutely am not is “well-credentialed.”

The ability to sense heat and cold is the greatest cause of destructive human behavior because if you forget the password for your bank’s mobile app, and anyway there was an oil spill and who cares about fucking Pluto in the first place? No wonder Lindsay Lohan hasn't made any movies in a long time. It's hot and cold…

Here’s why empathy can be a bad thing. Empathy is why people want me to see a doctor when I tell them that the recipe guy from the Hulk Hogan Sex Video site is a deeper and more critical thinker than Yale psychology and cognitive science professor Paul Bloom.

This is where YouTube needs not just a “Not Interested” option, but a “block” option.

I knew this was coming, and I am not disappointed. Needs more cursing, but otherwise well done.