Dear fucking god....please don’t go out of business....

Their t-shirts fit me like a goddamn dream.

Guys, I convinced my niece’s teen babysitter (white) to give up native american headdresses. It was difficult, and I had to put up with a lot of stupidity (“it’s reverse racist!!1!”) but I did it.

One day, I hope someone invents a device that rich men could use when they want to have sex with random women but don’t want all the risks of getting them pregnant and having to pay child support.

The tissue and organs are going toward medical research that is helping living people. I read an article recently that talked about how fetal stem cells are helping people with a degenerative nerve condition. The author admits he is biased because his friend volunteered for the treatment but was too far gone with his…

Jeb: Women — Can’t live with them, can’t repeal their right to vote.

BUSH '16: Nobody puts babies in the coroner.

A single long range strike plane for the military costs approximately half a billion dollars. Professional football stadiums (all taxpayer funded) are now topping out around a billion dollars. But these douche nozzles are whining about improving the lives and health of millions of women for the same cost.

How to start your day like Mocena:

Awesome advice, seriously. I usually start my mornings with a large glass of water to try and clear my head from all of the alcohol from the night before.

Whenever someone brings up the arm-flab dilemma, I put my arms up like a body builder, and tell them “whenever I feel bad about my arms, I remember what I named them. Paul.” Kiss the right arm “McCartney” kiss the left arm, “WINGS!” shake both arms furiously.

It makes people laugh so now I know they’re thinking about…

“And so then I said, ‘those so-called ‘poonsters’ over at The Lampoon are really nothing but fraudsters and liars!’ Naturally, it ruffled mother’s feathers that I was so irate, but father agrees with me.”

Bjorn Disway.

Oh, hahaha, I just did some quick research. I could have SWORN I read about that not too long ago! SHE STILL WAS MARRIED TO GOD AND GAVE THAT UP FOR SOME COMMON HUMAN MAN. Maria Von Tramp™, am I right? Huh? HUH?

RIP Roddy Piper:

THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT INTERVIEW OF ALL TIME

I observe a gluten free vegan paleo macrobiotic blood-type diet.

I’m on a similar diet where I’m gluten-free except for all the gluten I eat. 22 nonconsecutive days and counting!

As long as you do it in writing.

Let me tell you about what life is like as a fat sexworker. My job involves sharing photos of myself as a strong, sexy, sexual woman, in varying degrees of undress. It involves me setting a figure - a not inexpensive one, either - on what I feel access to my body is worth.

This, for a myriad of reasons, makes some men…