Popular opinion: Burritos are awesome, Chipotle sucks

This was so close to a really good joke and then you had to keep writing. So close.

Crown Royal is a whisky. Not something you’d have on tap like a beer. Although IMO, the bartender was kind of a dick about it.

I think that one deserves the full face palm mosaic.

Freaking Circulon pans.

People who like red velvet cake are the same people who like ranch dressing.

If someone you’re interested in isn’t answering your texts within five minutes, they are either dead, at a movie (and still have manners), or just don’t want to date you.

That’s why I occasionally drive by and throw trash in the yard of the guy who works the night-shift at my corner gas station. “Fuck you, Roger! Why my gas and smokes still so spendy?”

I live in NYC. I’m from the area. I lived upstate for a while. Let’s make a deal - you don’t propagate the use of flip flops, and I won’t make fun of you for being a godless hippie with rancid feet with no respect for your surroundings.

The British are a race? Huh.

I’m pretty sure that’s just “any pizza place with online ordering”

Look, no one wants to hear someone loudly fucking on a regular basis. One or two times is fun and hilarious but more than that is a nuisance. And I’m sorry, but you can control that. Anyone who has had to have quiet sex (parents downstairs, children in the other room, etc.) knows that it is possible to not have to…

Here’s what the deal is: the letter is totally fake, much like the urban legends you apparently wholeheartedly believe about gangs.

I will never forget the one time this family came in with a bunch of outside food for their kids to eat. This is a pretty big fucking NOPE in upscale dining, because these tend to be the people that also let their children mash grapes and Goldfish crackers all over the floor.

Sigh. Do we really need this same buttkissing comment every single week?

And yet, here you are, commenting about that which you cannot imagine caring about.

Because Jezebel readers never hate on the female writers?

I have yet to read a post about how horrible customers are without at least half the entries also being about how horrible managers are....

I would take a two-pronged approach if I were in this guy's shoes. I 100% believe that you cannot have a successful relationship if you are not completely comfortable with being open with all aspects of your sexuality with your partner, and vice-versa.

No one says this on threads about straight PDA. Even if they think it, they don’t say it, because they get that PDA is part of being in a relationship. It’s really demoralizing to constantly hear even so-called “allies” say that expressing your love for your partner is “gross.”