It’s not like the landlords would be able to find a financially solvent tenant with a use for that space or a desire to remodel it to not look like a fucking cheesecake factory. They’ll probably have to eat the rent for a few months with the hope that they can at least have payments starting again in the summer or so. 

The press release went on to add that they were told hospitals did not have a coronavirus-related use for the barrels of lube found along with the masks

The only thing worse than a yelling tantrum toddler is a toddler who has been quiet for more than 5 minutes. Because you have to get up and go investigate that shit to make sure they’re still alive and not just quiet because they’re trying to stick their tongue into the electrical outlet. 

The stupid part of this is that we don’t have enough data yet about how much protective immunity you get following an infection with the virus, or how unstable the virus will be over time. Its an RNA virus, which makes it more likely to mutate and escape immune detection; that’s part of why you can keep getting the…

None of the experts have been saying we’re all going to get it. The top projections have been that 70% of the population may get it in one point. 30% not getting it is still close to 100 million people who are not going to clog the medical system. Even if we’re all going to get it, there’s a huge difference between…

Man, this guy is going to be really pissed when he finds out that he and his friends are definitely at the bottom of the list when the real death panels are deciding how to allocate the 5 available ventilators in Appalachia. It’s going to be a long wait for all those ventilators and medications Trump promised

You look at infection rates in populations that got the vaccine versus placebo. Vaccine trials are hard to do, because unless you have a disease running rampant, you need large trials with long periods of observation, or you need to focus on high risk populations (that has been the approach with some of the HIV…

Knowing cats, this is probably step one to taking a piss in your mouth while you sleep

Eh, some of these people are so stupid that they would blame Obama with their dying breath.

Or just open up a COVID19 tent right outside his house

I was discussing one of his conferences with my mom, and she goes “That Cuomo is so confident and decisive, I bet he knows how to please a woman.” At that moment I wanted to die of COVID19

Counterpoint: they are less likely do die of chloroquine overdose from following Trump’s medical advise.

Then we just need to import the natural enemy of the cocaine gorillas. Maybe cocaine tigers or cocaine snakes

I’ve used this stuff in lab on some very hardy cells, and there’s definitely a pretty narrow dose window of “it works but doesn’t kill everything in the dish”. I would certainly not be eating it from a bag of fish drugs with a teaspoon. 

Normally I’d say that anyone taking medical advice from this asshole is best removed from the gene pool, but the problem is that when they go blind or get really sick, they end up in the hospital taking medical attention from people who actually deserve to be cared for. So maybe Trump and his lackeys can just do the…

I have a feeling that Stephen Miller and Trump are now going to start calling it the “Chinese and Black people virus”. Anything to deflect the blame from their piss-poor handling of the situation

As an adult with some disposable income (pending the coronavirus shitshow), I basically just want to buy all the sets I couldn’t afford when I was little. I still have some of the Space sets from the 1990s that I had gotten as gifts, but I really wanted the pirate and castle stuff so badly. 

He’s going to insist that the old people in rural “Real” America be counted in the census and mail in their absentee ballots before they die though

I think a lot of the celebrities are just worried that at some point as things become more chaotic, people are going to realize that various performers are not really necessary to the functioning of society yet somehow have tremendous amounts of wealth. Perhaps a wiser approach would be to stop reminding poor jobless…

If the hippos get out of hand, we can simply introduce hippo-killing cocaine gorillas. Once the hippos and cocaine are gone, and winter rolls around, the gorillas will just freeze to death.