I’m willing to bet they knew about the cemetery when they built the gold course, but gave zero fucks as long as they didn’t have any slave bones sticking out of the sand pits. I also 100% believe that the golf course owners will issue a statement to the effect that the slaves would have been happy to know that the…

We had a lot of his classic movie like Trading Places and Coming to America back in the old country, with some horrendous dubbing, but I still thought he was pretty funny. Then I learned English and watched those movies properly, and was blown away with how funny and talented the man is. 

That’s how he gets the Evangelical support. Everyone knows that Jesus mocked the shit out of the disabled before he healed them

Didn’t he just very recently send Congress a very perfect letter, some say the best letter ever written by someone about to be impeached? Does he get partial credit for that?

To be fair, Entertainment Today probably has more moral authority than the majority of the religious right

I demand Idris Elba give back the sexiest man alive award after this. 

The final scene of There Will be Blood was actually inspired by Happy Gilmore

I heard Usman ripped out the man’s jaw and used it to make a small violin to play a sad song for all the disappointed racists

I would like to sign up for the Marvel fitness and nutrition plan to play the next iteration of fat Thor

I wish every time there was a payout due to bad cop behavior, that money came out of the amount budgeted for salaries and everyone got a collective paycut. That blue wall of silence would come down pretty damn quickly once people started feeling others’ asshole behavior in their paychecks

Wow, how racist do you have to be before the cops actually turn on you? 

I really want him to end up on a sex offender list for this

Because he’s not literate enough to have actually written it

Apparently the Church of Googling

I bought a fake 6 foot tree on sale at K-mart one spring 10 years ago, and we have used it every year. It was $50 for something that stays up in our apartment for 2 months each year (we’re lazy) and looks pretty nice. I don’t own a house, and none of my apartment buildings have allowed real trees. Growing up without a…

I would argue that religious people of all stripes have spent thousands of years making life miserable or killing people who did not agree with their particular version of the magic man/men in the sky. Religious people continue to actively try to impose their views on people who don’t share them. Because of this I…

They tried to upsell me once on getting a more powerful car for the drive into the mountains. I didn’t do it because I’m a spiteful asshole, and regretted it the entire drive. But anyways, that was like a 1 hour long rental experience for something that I had already arranged online

Yea except a really good nanny is actually harder to find than sex. Never mind being discovered, you lose the nanny and you’re fucked (and not in a good way)

She’s just still mad from that time her black “friends” didn’t want to come to her plantation wedding.

That’s a small price to pay for being able to tell all the people in line at Starbucks that you need your coffee because you were up at 5AM doing your Peloton workout. Smugness doesn’t come cheap