These are definitely going to have lots of tongue marks and fingerprints on them within a day

Assholes like him need to be beaten with a bar of soap wrapped in one of those aluminum blankets they give the kids in the concentration camps. Sadly there’s no soap there

How do people feel about “female” being used in a clinical setting? I’ve always been taught throughout medical training to write and say things like “This is a 20 year old female”. I’ve met a few people in the field who insist on using “woman, girl, boy, man,” but they’re generally cranky old men, so who knows.…

I’m sure the remaining dolls can be donated to the local police department

I guess routinely talking to Republican crowds does make you a special ed professional

There are lots of reasons to hate credit card companies, but banks have data breaches just as often, so I don’t think that avoiding credit cards makes your identity any more secure

Most churches conveniently skip things like this and go straight to the part about the gays not being allowed to do abortions or something something

I always find it shocking that so many people believe they were created by a magic man in the sky, and that these people are always arguing with each other about whose fantasy magic man in the sky is the proper one. It would be almost entertaining if not for their insistence that everyone believe in their magic man…

I don’t know why people need to get all judgy about others’ beverage choices. I can’t stand overly bitter IPAs, but if people want to drink them, that leaves more pilseners and belgian-style beers for me. I don’t care what my friends are drinking, as long as they remember what I like when it’s their turn to buy a…

Ha, I think back now to the advice I gave to parents when I was in training and before I had a kid of my own. I’m surprised nobody smacked me upside the head. Raising a kid is definitely an experience the medical books don’t prepare you for! I’m constantly in fear that I’m messing it up and next time it’ll be my kid…

As a pediatrician, I would very much welcome your fool-proof method for teaching 2 year olds or preventing 100% of their unsafe behaviors. Because the other day my kid, sitting next to me on the couch, pokes herself in the eye out of nowhere and yells “I poke my eye!.” 

I think we’ve identified the Juul rep involved.

This is 100% something my toddler would try to do. I swear, it’s like a constant real-life version of lemmings to keep kids that age alive

Paper airplanes are about the only thing that the Jets can actually manage to get into the end zone

I would just rather not poop for 9 days and then get one of those colonoscopy-type cleanouts where you drink a gallon of poop-inducing nastiness and then spend the night crying on the toilet

I’m surprised the police wannabes didn’t demand a full-on patdown and cavity search. Everyone knows the best way to hide a stolen t-shirt is inside yourself

There is a popular Russian version called Bear. You find a free bear on your local sidewalk and ride it to your destination. This program has successfully culled the population of assholes who would typically be riding scooters and annoying the shit out of normal people

My mother has already emailed me a link about this story. Thanks Jermaine for making every other son look bad

Pretty much all religions oppress and devalue women. Orthodox judaism essentially values women only for their baby-making ability. Plenty of Evangelical churches encourage the women to subjugate themselves to the men and focus on having babies and cooking. The only differences are how much skin they’re allowed to…

Good thing this guy isn’t a Knicks fan, or who knows what kind of threats Dolan would be getting