He does not want us to see that he made the sex worker wear a super bowl ring on each of her fingers. It’s the only way he can perform. 

The only way this gets more metsy is if Syndergaard’s pitching arm gets maimed during the attempt to fix the mechanical issues.

Spending time and effort discussing her voice is like discussing Trump’s small hands or ridiculous hair or fake tan. It’s time and effort taken away from discussing fraud and criminal activity and whatever. I get that in this age of depressing reality it’s nice to have something to laugh at, but I really wish the…

Incompetence is a good thing in this administration. A competent Republican hack in that position would have already figured out a way to make public housing even more unlivable and then somehow blame poor people for it. I’m sure that in 2020 HUD will be merged with EPA and public housing residents will be forced to…

She also apparently yelled “stop resisting” before magically shooting herself!

I would gladly take that bear at the QB position. It can throw a bunch of negative yardage passes just as well as Manning, but could at least maul enough defensive players to make it worthwhile. 

Shane was just confused and upset because he went to see white people drive cars around in circles, and instead there was the threatening spectacle of bigger and stronger people of other races. 

Next tweet: “If the black box always survives the crash, why don’t those idiots at Boeing just build the whole plane out of the same material as the black box”

Meth?

I can’t wait until my kid is old enough to not try to eat the magnets, this would be so much easier than tape!

I mean, we spend a lot of time, energy, and money watching grown men play games with a ball and arguing about things related to these games. We kind of are morons and deserve to have this man take our money

The runner was heard saying “ Once more into the fray..” before he attacked the mountain lion

This was a medical school yearbook. People typically graduate medical school in the mid to late 20s. People graduating medical school should know better than teenage stupid stuff. He was a full grown adult on his way of taking care of patient as a physician

I hear the sale listing said “interesting trades considered”

In Siberia, no use bolts to hold rail to ground. Tracks held in place by political prisoners.

I have one of those giant umbrellas with a handle that makes it look like a sword and a holster I can sling across my back. One of my black friends correctly pointed out that these umbrellas are basically for white people only and that he would not stand next to me if I were wearing it on my back, lest he somehow gets…

That face just screams “future rapist and Supreme Court justice”

Andy Pettitte needs more love

Maybe Belichick should take a job as white house chief of staff. Kill two birds with one stone. The most magnificent birds, some people say

I think that when you have to preemptively have to tell people how to cheer for a team, you should have stopped expanding 5 teams ago