I mean, she’s a woman and she’s out in public, which is a huge nono. She should be home and naked except an apron, cooking up a meal while doing kegels so that she can please her man when he comes home from a long day of doing manly manly work things. That’s like the entire conservative platform!

Interesting trades considered?

I think the better question is why the cops even felt like they need to come for that call. Like did she tell the dispatcher what was actually going on, or said something about threatening behavior? Like they seriously have nothing more urgent that they actually responded to this call within the timeframe of the class?

Everyone know the conservatives are just upset that no cuckoldry videos were shown. 

This is what happens when the social safety net is based on a combination of Jesus, scratch-off lottery tickets, and online funding campaigns. 

I think ideally the person should at least speak the language of the field or be willing to learn. I’m sure this guy is very smart and probably good at managing people, but it would be better if briefings don’t have to start with “what is a USB drive”. There’s a reason that successful hospital CEOs are usually people…

If we can elect a president with no knowledge of history, economics, science, US government, the constitution, technology, geography or foreign relations, who are we to tell this guy he can’t follow his dreams?

But what do the 3-4 people who thought Microsoft should get into making headphones think of these?

I also usually blame the fermented crab apples for all my bad behavior

“I’m a doctor - do I have to put on a show for my patients full time, or is it enough that I’m giving them a service. Sometimes I’m just tired or hung over or not into it. I don’t see why I have to smile and be nice and kind while I ask them about their symptoms and offer suggestions.”

ICU nurses are generally badass amazing people

In Soviet Russia, fish hooks you!

Would your ride it in the road? At 15 mph a lot of people would hate you. But anyone who rides these on a sidewalk should promptly have it taken away and get beaten with it

As a jewish person, I just don’t get black or jewish or any other minority Republicans. I hope you enjoy your tax cuts and Jesus when the white nationalists come to take your shit away.

This is assuming you don’t need a referral from the first doctor for all the other doctors

I think they should start having fan raffles for coach of the week at the end of each game. You managed to sit through a whole game and extract your scrotum from the puddle of frozen beer and vomit you’ve been sitting in? You get a 1 in 1000 chance of getting to coach the Jets next week. They can’t possibly play any…

The Philly teams should all just unite in a common mascot, the Philadelphian. He’ll be a 300 lb man with dead eyes, a shirt made of scrapple, and his dick sandwiched in a cheese steak with extra wiz. His shtick will be breaking into Tom Brady’s house every Saturday night and drunkenly slurring “How do you like them…

The good news is that Buffalo has a similar climate to Chicago and they will gladly welcome a man of his talents

I’d really need my shitting pants for that drive

I’m pretty sure that the Jets’ film review consists of the buttfumble on repeat