Unless I’m in a real pinch, you can count on my sheer laziness protecting your children. Imitation human meat is just so much easier. 

Wait you don’t think that won’t be a thing?! It will, like cell lines in scientific research. Except they’ll be celebrity ones. I’ll have the Beyonce with havarti and dijon mustard please!

It really isn’t that difficult a concept. The rest of the world eats meat, but a vegetarian misses eating burgers and chicken nuggets. So they make alternatives, so they can still eat burgers and nuggets, just not made of meat.

Okay, but do you have any old and/or weak family members I can hang out with? Maybe somebody who you don’t regularly hear from? 

Heh, then you’d really hate the derivative I’ve seen occasionally, “Furever home”.

Actually, the correct term is "furrever home". Now please excuse me, this projectile vomited isn't going to clean itself.

This drive has dram, and is a good competitor to the Samsung 850 PRO. If an SSD drive only has a 1 year warranty you can bet it’s Dram-less. If it’s 3 years or more, you’re generally safe. This drive has a 3 year warranty.

This drive has dram, and is a good competitor to the Samsung 850 PRO. If an SSD drive only has a 1 year warranty you…

Chanukah doesn’t start until next week, so here’s the obligatory chaser:

Do they know his daughter, son-in-law, daughter-in-law and grandkids are all Jewish?

PLEASE let this an omen from the gods presaging the collapse of the Trump Campaign! I will totally stop being an atheist for this!

I think I speak for everyone when I say “meh”

Planet earth 2: THE EARTHANING.

It’s not the quickest, neatest, or coolest. But I just enjoy my HiCoup waiters corkscrew.

It’s not the quickest, neatest, or coolest. But I just enjoy my HiCoup waiters corkscrew.

Shout out to all my fellow Jezzies who read “inexpensive Yankee candles” and thought about how you only get Yankee candles when they're on the clearance endcap at TJ Maxx.

I’ll drink to that!

“There I was, enjoying a light repast at the Applebuddies club, engaging in a fine and stimulating discussion of Amanda McKittrick Ros’s brilliant use of simile and metaphor, when suddenly what should assault my ears but some jenny foreigner defiling the rarefied air of our great nation with her native tongue! Well I…

I believe the first draft read, “you crap-wits are too stupid to tell the difference between this and real noise canceling electronics, so just shut up and pay us,” but that was too wordy and they tightened it up a little.

I believe the first draft read, “you crap-wits are too stupid to tell the difference between this and real noise…