The worst thing about “dad bod” is the missed opportunity to call it a “father figure”

Anyway, Ultron is born and “murders” Jarvis

If I were Sofia I would eat those fucking embryos on toast like they were fucking caviar.

you have said this like 7 times to 7 different people. We get it.

Every fiber of my being wants it to say “HUG LIFE”.

I HAVE A MASTERS DEGREE AND CAN BARELY PAY OFF MY STUDENT LOANS EVERY MONTH.

I HAVE A JD AND A PHD AND I BILL MY TIME AT OVER $500 AN HOUR AND I AM READING YOUR COMMENT AND ALSO COMMENTING ON YOUR COMMENT AND APPRECIATING YOUR HARD WORK.

ERIN AND SARAH’S MANSION IS THE SAME MANSION KOURTNEY AND SCOTT USED TO LIVE IN

I went to a Christian high school, and my sophomore year BIBLE teacher did this. He leered at the pretty girls, gave the one girl who showed up with a g-string visible above her jeans waistline all-A’s despite her complete and utter lack of class participation, got in all the girls’ personal space to the point of the…

We had that teacher too. A lot of the girls would flirt with him to get higher grades. I thought he was a slime ball. However when my friends noticed my favorite teacher looking down my shirt once and pointed it out to me, it then became a game. I wore that blouse at least once every other week and sure enough as he…

I don’t think any of the girls in my class took it seriously, either; no one reported him (though we casually talked about what would happen if we did) and we basically just saw him as the slimy old man. But looking back, it’s appalling that none of us thought that was worth mentioning to anyone.

Freshman year of HS, Todd. Sat at a table of complete misfits (but no regrets) at lunch. He was really really into Ben Folds and Oasis. He would print out lyrics/scores to their songs and then re-write them? I’m not sure. The other people at the table would be working on math homework, dissecting SPARK NOTES and one…

Sex appeal for a woman, it’s safe to understate, is notably fraught. It’s a power you learn to long for yet simultaneously loathe. It is paradoxical at every turn: You can crave the adoration of men while being made deeply uncomfortable by it when it happens. You can long to be considered beautiful while wishing to…

I was a late bloomer and utterly invisible to boys as a sexual object until maybe high school. I was one of those types boys asked out as a joke to impress their friends. I never felt checked out even when I was. I honestly can’t remember the “first” bc I kind of pushed male attention out of my minds eye for so long.…

If you’re a boy writer, it’s a simple rule: you’ve gotta get used to the fact that you suck at writing women and that the worst women writer can write a better man than the best male writer can write a good woman. And it’s just the minimum. Because the thing about the sort of heteronormative masculine privilege,…

This defense only works if you’re a police officer accused of murdering a black person, duh.

And those two met while planking.

Waiting at the airport for a flight. There’s a line of about 10 people at the counter that were delayed from an earlier flight. Some dude pushes past the line and screams at the desk agent that, “(He) has to be on this flight! And it has to be first class!” Agent tells him that she can help him but he need to wait in…

Please, have you seen some of the men Mila Kunis has dated? :P

“Keep that p***y tight while I’m gone.”