Sizemore gets beer in eye, is immediately placed on the DL for 27 months

Jorge Sedano lost his virginity last summer to a girl from Niagra Falls.

There's nothing more sobering than in your late 20's when you realize that you look ridiculous in a jersey and will likely never wear one again.

Roger Goodell signs his name like he just learned cursive.

God have mercy on your soul if you under-salt.

Brett Farve snickers, types #fullystaffed4415

Consequently, Brandon Weeden wasn’t allowed in so we took him off our board.

Total plane farter.

This is the best I'm leaving the office with 13 unread e-mails metaphor of all time.

Real talk if you're embarrassed about buying Tampons you're an eight year old.

Bryce Alford's dad must've left a really stern message on the selection committee's voicemail.

To be fair, the Clearwater Marine Aquarium was the worst moment of Timothy Burke's life.

To be fair, Dolphin Tale was the worst moment of Ashley Judd's life.

When I first moved to LA I wasn't astonished by the amount of police chases but the actual news anchors who all look like rejects from a hypothetical 1992 season of The Bachelor.

Bill Simmons still watches, and revels at, The Challenge on MTV if you need any further evidence that he's entering the Dan Cortese zone of cultural relevance.

If I worked for the Golf Channel I would constantly ask golfers if they "putt from the rough" or at least until I got fired.

At least he was thinking ahead about getting that defense film ready for the trial.

*Brady Quinn spikes a Myoplex shake on the ground*

Moral of the story: No one puts Haloti in the corner. Literally. He can't fit.

Trent Richardson has serious doubts about the Colts' offense