Lt. Scott Wrigglesworth: FOR THE LAST TIME, STOP ASKING QUESTIONS ABOUT THE NAME!!! I’M SICK TO FUCKING DEATH OF ANSWERING THIS- oh, you mean the NBA player’s name?

Lupica’s got some nerve ragging on Durant for joining the Warriors while simultaneously wearing Steph Curry’s sneakers.

Could be worse. I mean, blood clots aren't as devastating as the comet that wiped out the rest of his family sixty five million years ago.

It takes a certain kind of bitch to say he was “sucker punched” when he was advancing on his opponent with fists raised. If a motherfucker is able to sucker punch you in that situation, well, maybe fighting isn’t where you want to be.

Plus this isn’t just a random “bumping into weirdness” like the show usually presents... they were actively pursuing him, leading him on, etc. Really a shitty thing to do.

“Shuttle cleared tower in winter launch.”

Also of note, walking four times sets a one-day record for people who live in Ohio.

“You won’t need genitals where we’re going...[unintelligible screaming]”

Manziel threw a 48-hour rager in a rented L.A. mansion that caused $20,000 worth of damage

Whatever Happened to Johnny Fucking Football?

I guessed “eggplant wiener”

Wings fan chucked the damn thing onto the ice in the third period, for no clear reason.

Shawn Kemp had the same attitude with condoms.

“I did believe him, Dan, because I felt that if in any way he sensed I didn’t believe him, he’d have beaten the shit out of me, even though I’m not a woman.”

SCHEFTER: I’ll tell you this. He is a real stand up guy. Completely genuine.
PATRICK: But do you think he did it?
SCHEFTER: Does it matter? I mean, if you came in to my house and put a gun to my head, while I was on a radio interview answering questions about you...Er...Hardy and told me I HAD to answer. Then, gun to…

SCHEFTER: Because I had my spine & testicles surgically removed when I signed on at ESPN, I am just a corporate yes man, pay no attention to me.

I totally get where Antonio’s coming from.

A large orange, left-to-right-moving object?

Oh no, it’s totally legal, that’s why the can was covered in tape, the referees replaced the ball and there is an article on Deadspin.