If conversion therapy is so effective, why do the Saints carry a punter on their roster?

Quiet, you! I can’t concentrate on summoning giant meteor

Mr. Blutarsky, has no grade point average .......

“He died like he lived: drifting aimlessly wherever the current took him.”

Appealing? No.

Design meeting:

“What should the failure mode be for the wave generator?”
“Nothing, it should just die quietly and stop functioning.”
“We could do that. Or.. and hear me out on this one...”

The only shrimp that should be eaten cold are raw shrimp.

*Richie Incognito throws his father’s arms up in disgust*

Boone may think his players are savage in the box, but they appear to be real beasts going solo.

So you’re saying he kept a pedo file?

Suicide. Is there a shortcut this guy won’t take?

Four tourists suffered minor injuries.......

Of all people, you’re surprised that this guy abstains from being a swinger when he encounters another dude in an unfamiliar position?

OW ME BACK

Thanks but I don’t feel like a hero. I’m leasing it for $3750 a month and my parking garage guy wants $800 more just to park it inside. F that guy. So I hired this homeless dude who moves it around ever other day. F that guy too because now he says he wants more than $5 a week. So, I think I’m just gonna get a…

Regarding checking out at the grocery store:

The irony is that Markakis thought owning all those guns would make him a safe cracker.

I get it, man. Waiting on lab results is a harrowing experience. 

I starred you, even though this comment is rancid.