"I would, but I have a degenerative disease where if I stick my hands in things, I just start shitting and vomiting all over the place—maybe I'll try, though."

Big cats like boxes, too.

Ah yes, the digital leash. And smartphones have NOT made this any better—worse I'd say, considering the number of oblivious idiots yakking on the cell phone that have made menaces of themselves in traffic and supermarkets. (At least the idiots that hit me in supermarkets can be easily dealt with, though my lawyers…

This is a lovely preparation for bay scallops. Unfortunately, it is also essentially the same preparation that gave me the second-worst food poisoning of my life. I ordered the little hell-bringers at one of the best seafood restaurants in Boston, and 25 years later, I'm still so psychologically scarred from the…

I think a lot of this is that people who are close with their family don't understand the concept of not being close with your family. My parents weren't abusive, and I don't actively dislike them or anything, but...I just don't want to be around them. Like, almost ever. I have one or two things in common with my…

Sigh. I used to have one of those. A nice one, too. But as any human being with a body part that hangs off the body in a sort of cantilevered fashion will eventually find out, gravity is not your friend.

Neutrogena Skin-Clearing Shave Cream
Literally the only shaving cream or gel I've ever been able to use without getting red bumps or nicks. Also it's pretty cheap.
(Note: Don't buy the "Sensitive Skin" version. It does not, as I assumed, refer to shaving sensitivity, but sensitivity to whatever chemicals make the…

Neutrogena Skin-Clearing Shave Cream
Literally the only shaving cream or gel I've ever been able to use without…

Well, for my part, it's Truefitt & Hill 1805. It's got a great clean fragrance, but one that's very subtle, such that you can wear any after shave balm or splash you prefer without worrying about clashing aromas. Very easy to lather up. Pricey? Well, yes, but one jar goes a long way.

Well, for my part, it's Truefitt & Hill 1805. It's got a great clean fragrance, but one that's very subtle, such…

Until I hear from an actual doctor that this is a thing, there's no way I'm buying it.

Why does everything gotta be lamestreamer big-brand?

He's not a nutrition-scold. He's a "real food" scold. His problem is eating too many processed foods, and feeding children nothing but low quality meat scraps and sugars in school.

Let's get the obvious out of the way...

They could have made it look better too.

And people who NEED to get somewhere should just shrug and call it good? What if there's a medical emergency, your baby is coming early, you have the most important interview ever to get to, your spousal unit is threatening again to beat the shit out of your kids if you don't get home RIGHT NOW, etc, etc, etc?

And ruin the commute of millions. Selfish douche.

And to anybody needing to get anywhere in the city! Fuck those people! I hope they missed their flights, or they got fired for being late to work, or their dates went horribly, or their kids where scared when nobody picked them up from school! I mean, why shouldn't thousands of people be severely inconvenienced so we…

One day I was sitting on the bus behind a girl with headphones on with a guy started calling her "Blondie," and just generally telling her how he'd like to get to know her. He wasn't particularly crude about it, but it was clear his attention was unwelcome. But he kept trying, and she kept replying in monosyllables…

This list was clearly put together by sci-fi nerds and not film nerds. What about Hitchcock's "Rope" or "Russian Ark" or "I am Cuba?" You have none of those, but you have "Children of Men" and "Snake Eyes?" Adding those two in negates anything else you say about amazing long takes.

This is such an exciting development! I've been looking forward to this for almost 8 years. The only downside I see right now is how increasingly rare and expensive helium is becoming. Please say no to helium party balloons, as we desperately need it for more useful things and it's getting harder to come by.