Yeah, even reading that book I was like: fucking scratchy animated hedge sculptures and croquet mallets? Nah, I’ll take this glorious hedge maze and a goddamn fire axe.

Also didn’t Bruce Wayne totally f*ck fellow Gotham socialite Judson Caspain at one of the Court of Owls S&M parties?

Even after 8 years of taking public transportation in punishment for a botched attempt to roll back his father’s classic Ferrari odometer, Cameron Frye is reminded by Dr Miles Dyson’s sacrifice of Sparkle Motion lady to Donnie Darko’s liquid chest god that time is never constant. (Wyld Stallions’ air guitar mini solo)

Oh shit!

“OK so I wrote a new Dark Phoenix but it’s totally different from The Last Stand, which I also wrote.

Except when it opens w/ Professor X helping Jean as a little girl (no Magneto in this scene so duh!).
And when Jean kills a valued Xperson (not Professor X so duh!).
And when Jean goes to join Magneto at his mutant…

Also I want to watch Matt Berry as Tony Stark argue w/ Matt Berry as Thor. Now.

I feel you on this, but nuclear energy involves a lengthy mining process to secure radioactive materials and then an industrialized process of sparking nuclear fission within a protected space to contain it.

The Dark Phoenix parallel would be more like Japan attempting to harness the Hiroshima or Nagasaki atomic bombs…

And these costumes are straight garbage. Fuck, even 2A “advocates” doing soldier cosplay on militia Wednesdays look better than this Cap ensemble. And Thor’s tunic? Ridiculous.

Oh yeah, & all the reshoots b/c the film too closely resembled Captain Marvel’s 3rd act. No doubt Chastains’ folks were Skrulls before reshoots.

Simon Kinberg: “OK so I wrote a new Dark Phoenix but it’s totally different from The Last Stand, which I also wrote.

Except when it opens w/ Professor X helping Jean as a…

Who da Vuk is this character? Not Lilandra, that’s for goddamned sure.

Oh, and Mystique ran XMen missions. Including a surprise Space mission. jfc these motherfuckers have done Scott Summers wrong at every single turn.

Film’s streaming on Netflix now. The couple’s reason’s for pushing the buttonare ridiculously 1st World Problems flimsy: Diaz is a teacher for a private school whose new policy won’t allow a voucher for their son to attend at a discount & Marsden is a NASA scientist who just found out that despite acing every other…

How in the fuck were a handfull of aliens going to be able to harness a extinction-level cosmic power, when they couldn’t do a goddamn thing to stop said cosmic power from literally exploding their home planet into huge chunks? They’re refugees, at best.

And the majority of these refugee aliens were shown to have…

Yeah Asians totally bagged Keanu in the Racial Draft like 2 decades ago. I think they (gladly) traded Michelle Malkin to the Caucasians.

Yeah it’s an antiquated southern (where I grew up) colloquialism for children. Ogra consuming current USA Godzilla as above would totally traumatize kids.

And culminated in this silliness:

I think it’s Cain Marko (helmet-less Juggernaut)

Wolverine vs. Mr. Fantastic battle that ended with Reed Richards pinning Wolverine down, extending his hands until they’re one molecule wide, and using them as scissors to cut the mutant’s arms off. 

Synopsis: In 2019's most ambitious crossover event, Captain America f*ucks Black Manta via Black Power Ranger & Mantis avatars. It’s a Crisis!

And Striking Vipers is only slightly less porn-y than Purple Cobras.