Preach!

I’ve tried coffee. I’ve tried to make coffee taste not like coffee and it has never worked. Coffee candy, tastes like coffee. Tiramisu...coffee. Mocha that is 2/3 chocolate...coffee. Anything with coffee in it tastes like coffee, and since coffee tastes like liquid earwax I prefer Diet Coke as it actually tastes good.

I was forced to do a spin class once for gym in college. They kept telling me to increase the resistance. I was having none of that nonsense, I so didn’t want to be there.

I now want to see a movie about Teddy Roosevelt where the soundtrack includes DMX and Beastie Boys Sabotage. I imagine fight scenes like the ones from Kingsmen.

I imagine it will be easier. While on vacation in Peru one person spoke Italian to the locals. They were able to understand enough of it to hold a basic conversation.

NRA Moron: “Oh Yeah! Well you can’t buy guns in Chicago yet it has high gun violence. Banning my beloved penis...I mean gun doesn’t work! Explain that LIBTARD!”

I like the wearing high heels, suspenders and a bra best about being a lumberjack.

It’s Santori Time

When I had a job I used to come in early...so I could leave early. I used to work with an accountant that came in every day at 7 am and stayed until my shift ended(did I mention my shift ended at 2 am?) Shockingly he was a single guy.

Hey now! As a man how am I supposed to get off if I can’t see her boobies? Won’t someone think of the CIS-Men...and the lesbians?(lesbians are hot because have sex with women...hehehe)

Hey now, some people are super human killing machines that can be surrounded by gun toting thugs(black people) and kill them all without being harmed because their wrapped in their protective aura of badassness.

How long until he breaks out that it was the Democrats that bused paid protesters to the town hall and his true constituents love guns and the NRA

Well she’s not American, so she doesn’t have the experience to know that you need both Thoughts and prayers. Silly French people with their lack off educational gun violence.

Well to be honest I’ve heard that the song is notoriously difficult to sing correctly. Whitney Houston is one of the few people that pulled it off.

Maybe add a clause where the lazy woman has to stand on a street corner with her baby and a sign saying she is sucking on Great America’s teat and is a LOSER!

The amusing part is that due to the Republican’s policies being able to afford to have a state at home spouse is a pipe dream. The people who can afford to do it can often afford to have someone cook, clean and take care of their children.

Thanks and applied

Well I guess guns are the only answer. My kindergartner is pretty responsible, I’m sure she would use a gun wisely.

Hey now, stop reading the Bible and following what Jesus tells you about praying alone and not to show others how faithful you are. Christianity is about judging others, showing your holiness, and getting rich due to your faith in gun toting Combat Jesus.

Yep, thank God that our Holy Savior Trump loosened restrictions on people with mental illness from owning gu...uh, FAKE NEWS!!!