"Have you guessed the name of Scaffnet's planet? It was Earth. Don't date kids goats!"

"These suggestions seem quite unfair to the trees." - Lorax

No Pain… No Pain… You're the Pain!

Apparently, having a penis* is a helluva drug.

I never liked her chain of mall stores specializing in crappy tees and "funny" gifts. There, I said it.

What's the difference between a meeting and a Meeting?

Would you like a Federal administrative job working for Betsy DeVos?

The Repubs, Tea-Partiers, and other folk were all plenty happy to trash the Obamas for 8 years every chance they got for stupid bullshit like him not wearing a tie or her having sleeveless dresses. They were always ready to play the respectability card bullshit against the Obamas (cf. "uppity"). Conway behaved toward…

Cuddlebastard is far more qualified than DeVos for her position, even with his financial interests in Charmin toilet paper.

Wait, is this why the AV Club is doing so many Trump-related articles? 'Cause I'm pretty sure attention from Trump is not a good thing.

Prof. Mitzy Sprangle's Olde Tymey Small Batch Heirloom Fair Trade Locally Sourced Sustainably Extracted Low Carbon Footprint Gluten Free Organic All Natural Pure Undiluted Quadruple Distilled Twice Regurgitated Simmered in a Solid Adamantium Cauldron & Stirred with Merlin's Enchanted Sceptre Chicago Municipal Tap…

Well, he named his firstborn after his creepy self, so your deduction seems sound.

"Doc, can I have amnesia again?"

It's like The Game. The only way not to catch it is not to speak of it.

Which Baron/Barron? His 10 yro kid or his imaginary business associate, John Baron? At this point, I find it credible both would beat Trump at checkers.

Yeah, that was depressing but unsurprising.

Nah, they were all un-ironically fellating him for giving a speech blaming the Pentagon for getting a SEAL (and several non-combatant kids) killed with his shitty plan, using a grieving widow as a prop, and basking in the applause.

He's fat enough to have folds that would hide moles.

Human shield means Trump woulda had to touch the baby. Trump is an admitted germaphobe, so he wouldn't use a baby shield without some fairly thick rubber gloves at a minimum.

Especially when you cut your lines with bug powder.