"You've got to remember that these are just simple farmers voters. These are people of the land. The common clay of the new Mid-West. You know… morons."

Goddamnit, stop reminding me of Rob Liefeld's run on Captain America.

{smacks handset} Ziggy says your odds on stopping this catastrophe aren't good, Sam.

They'll replace Obamacare with a medical experimentation mandate for everyone in California?

"Dear Mr. Trump,

You all mock, but by writing it on the Internet, you've likely given Liefeld and Akiva Goldsman the idea to introduce marsupial werewolves into the next Underworld movie.

Can we get someone of Arab-American decent (Ralph Nader?) to stuff a beheaded Trump Jr with garlic-flavored Skittles?

He probably thought he could build it and flip it, but the castle market crashed.

Sorry, your badass plot inspiration is in another castle.

Like the DRDs in Farscape.

Maybe he just liked a tall castle because it makes Force-shoving underlings out a window so much more satisfying?

…purchased from Vince Shlomi.

From the You Didn't Believe It Could Get Any Worse Department: It was just announced that Mr. Goldman will be adapting Rob Liefeld's comics universe to the big screen. Apparently, Liefeld was impressed by Goldman's work on the (piece-of-sh!t) Transformers movies. (!!!)

The Akiva is also cursed.

I just wish Ahnold could work in Mr. Freeze quips into each episode of The New Celebrity Apprentice, regardless of whether it makes sense or not.

Schrödinger's Lohan

Well no damn time-traveling assassins have showed up for him yet, so I'll take a stroke over the alternative.

This version of a robot-vs-robot future is extremely disappointing. Thanks Obama Trump.

McSoylant.

Defeated? He has his own brand of heartburn-inducing processed foods, so he makes money on the cause and the cure.