G.O.R.M. and G.W.A.R. should tour together.

{somewhere, Fox executives get an idea for a new show, send word to thaw out Kiefer Sutherland}

We've traced the deaths; Get out! Death is calling from inside the year!

May I suggest leprosy of the penis?

Dear 2016,

I'm too horrified to imagine Trump's version of "Two Cathedrals."

{somewhere, Cameron Crowe considers a mid-life crisis name change}

A&E was in quite a quyzbuk, but they stopped it from becoming a duketastrophe.

I blame Ze Frank that I will never be able to forget that ducks have explosive corkscrew penises.

Yeah, I'm afraid 2017 is just gonna look at 2016's casualty list and then say "Challenge Accepted."

Hmmm, I just checked my newsfeed, and you may be right. The 7-mile wide Campi Flegrei supervolcano caldera under Naples, Italy is rumbling and building up pressure. (Holy sh!t)

That's gonna be a weird Mr. Robot episode.

Maybe 2016 can be reasoned with? Hey 2016, let us keep Fisher and you can have your pick of Trump, Pence, Priebus, Ryan, McConnell, Christie, Giuliani, Gingrich, anyone on Trump's cabinet, Putin… hell, let us keep Fisher and you can have all those old rich white dudes. That's a steal, you won't get a better offer.…

Trump: MISS TESCHMACHER!!!
Ivanka: Please stop calling me that.
Trump: {glarepouts}

"Wee-zul."

Hey! Be nice to May! It can't be easy working with Jezzer and the Hamster.

You need a truly yuge wig to hide a bigly of stupidity.

Now I'm hoping Trump didn't think Luthor's real estate plan from the first Chris Reeve Superman was a good idea.

NO, NOT THAT! Taking away our inexpensive fortified wine under a Trump Presidency is just cruel.

I guess repealing and replacing Obamacare with a Trump-driven Alcoholcare would work for the rest of our lives. I think burying our alcohol-soaked corpses would probably create an environmental hazard, either contaminating groundwater or a Centralia-like disaster, but thankfully there won't be an EPA anymore to object.