The meter in this thing is just all over the place.

Am I reading this right, he let someone who was impaired drive his car, and as a result he gets alcohol and drug tested? I have never heard of that before.

The police have nothing to go on.

No. Just, no.

They/them/their seems to work perfectly in all cases, there is no need to go looking for additional options just to complicate matters.

Nah. Pizza Hut is the worst, by far. The crust isn’t even crust. It’s like a foam, bread-like thing dabbed with garlic butter and then spit-fired with a blow torch.

I mean, no offense, but if I see a 9-minute *porn* clip I’m like “nah, too long.” Nine minutes of pizza-eating-and-ranking video is about 8:57 too long.

“Is there a calculator for people who don’t live permanently in the year 1990 and do actual modern contract work as a sole-proprietor LLC?”

“Why do white people want to use the word so bad?”

I am internet commenting on a blog post about an email referencing a tweet which leaked info about a Youtube tab.

At least I’m not wasting my entire fucking life over here.

I’ve reread this three times trying to figure out if you think Geno Smith went to Western Michigan. You don’t say it, but then what is the relevance of Western Michigan to your buddy’s opinion otherwise? Why not say “My good friend has great dental hygiene and has been saying FOR YEARS...”? Baffling.

Can’t agree with the first part of your comment, fam. The media wants to portray these young athletes as selfish millionaires, and when one says “I just want to do my job”, we say shut up, cuz you getting paid? That’s not quite right, IMO.

Not one to be outdone, LaVar Ball has decided that his next child will be named LaBall Ball.

Finally Oregon wins a meaningful Bol game.

Domino’s is really good now. I’d take almost any frozen pizza over Pizza Hut. Papa John’s is still better than CiCi’s. Do people actually eat Chuck E. Cheese pizza?

I’m curious, have you ever eaten a pizza?

What if it works, though? What if the corporate and finance sectors are so happy to have a pro-business guy in there that stocks surge and companies start expanding?

Depends on who you voted for. I voted Hillary and actually enjoyed this article, even if it’s not satirical. It’s a good balance to this site and all of the other Post-Gawker sites.