Only a sick or drugged cow would put up with being groped for hours by noisy, rude children. A healthy cow would leave a long line of kicked kids with concussions and broken bones.

My farmer parents-in-law tried running a pumpkin farm in partnership with the apple orchard/antique store/unpasteurized cider dealer down the road. No petting zoo (other than the omnipresent farm cats) but the had a corn maze and pumpkins.

Massive grab of medical records is just vile. Billing records, maybe, but patient records and clinical notes? That’s just to scare women who might be seeking help. Not to mention that stuff is going to leak out of government hands like water, putting previous patients in danger of being targeted by activists.

Was he from Alberta? It’s like Texas North.

I think, just like every other decision a couple makes about their marriage and children, some people will be offended by it. Expensive wedding, cheap wedding, have children right away or wait, name of kids, breast feeding . . . There is no answer that will make everyone happy.

... to maintain the only real sense of their marriage-worth in a way that is positive.

I’m pretty sure that if I went to my (female) doctor and said I needed a certificate of no-sex-for-me for cracked family tradition reasons, she’d probably lecture me about anatomy . . . and then whip something official looking up and sign it. A meaningless certificate about a private bit of anatomy that no one else is…

Excellent Monty Python style behavioral correction. 5 bad posts, hit with club. Ten bad posts, God eases the clouds aside to tell you that you suck. Fifteen bad posts, giant foot squashes you.

I think we should petition Marvel for a new Hawkeye. Everyone else they’ve picked is either a wonderful human being or pretty good at covering up any douchery. Jeremy Renner is dragging the franchise down. Plus, Hawkeye was just given a family which makes it a maximum angst time to kill him off. There must be some…

This is where we need that virus that reads back comments out loud and at full volume before allowing a send. Imagine Siri saying “Are you sure you want to say: ‘can I tie you up and brush your teeth’?”

There are a lot of people out there that think any attention given to a woman, positive or negative, should flatter them.

Cats have been a staple on boats for nearly as long as humans built boats. They were supposed to eat the vermin that otherwise wiped out supplies, chewed up ropes, and woodwork. They were also expected provide assorted weather prediction skills and luck. I imagine having someone soft and fluffy aboard was good for…

Something about being pregnant makes a woman public property to some people. As though turning food into a human isn’t enough a woman has to manage everyone’s advice, folklore, and prohibitions. I could understand other mothers comparing experiences — people compare experiences buying cars or having teeth removed. But…

The worst part was afterward trying to figure out what ‘rule’ I broke. I was sober, aware of my surroundings, in a reasonably good neighborhood at three in the afternoon. I was dressed in jeans and a tee, not remotely flirty. I was even wearing a ‘wedding ring’ though I was actually single at the time. I spent way too…

I had a regular, non-cab driving guy do that to me too. An unfortunate stretch on the walk home without convenient stores or restaurants to duck into. I ended up ranting like a crazy person about having to prepare for a visit from my parents, and that scared him away.

I don’t drive, and also don’t live in a city particularly kind to non-drivers so I’ve taken a lot of taxis. If a driver does something stupid he risks taking down his entire taxi company — which is generally made up of friends and family.

Pretending children don’t exist because you don’t like their paperwork could never backfire. I mean, all those infants will just crawl or toddle their way back to their parents’ country of origin. If they can’t get a birth certificate they just cease to exist, right?

I imagine when your choices are vote or eat the decision is already made.

If the US had an election system like Britian or Canada that limits this overspending crap all that money would go toward other donations. We'd have a cure for cancer, a flying car, and be living on the moon with our genetically engineered blue roses. Dammit rich people, forget politics and invest in a flying car!

Yeah, you’d figure there would be a ton of roles for women under this scheme. I mean, why pay three times as much for the wise cracking best friend?