I figured it out as a side effect of trying to figure out who gave us the two gifts that had no gift cards (we had to try to match them to other tagged gifts via wrapping paper design). I also sent out thank you cards to everyone who attended — gift or not — because I’d already addressed and stamped the things and…

Probably my best chance at an impartial witness? Honestly, having not been in that situation, I can only imagine that any and everything would look threatening at that point. I doubt I would want to wear the same clothing again, or go to the location, or ever see anyone or anything involved. PTSD upon seeing a Belgian…

Damn, where are your police dogs trained? It’s considered inappropriate to have drug search dogs also do protection work because the dogs need to be able to interact with little kids and teens. That’s why they are trained to give a passive response — usually sitting down. A police dog should never thrash unless he’s…

I don’t know all that much about religion, but is “please swallow this rosary” an accepted way of warding off the devil? I inherited a couple of rosaries and haven’t a clue what to do with them.

Thanks! She’s pretty awesome. I don’t think I was ever ‘forbidden’ anything unless it was limited by financial reasons or laws of physics — so long as I could make a good enough argument. She had to have the patience of a saint.

My bridesmaids wore “whatever black dress you have or like”, which freaked out my sister-in-law. When I was bridesmaid for her wedding it was a seafoam green satin number that no amount of tailoring could make look good, plus shoe, nail, and jewelry recommendations.

I was NOT going to look up all those addresses AGAIN. It was bad enough doing it for the invitations (I didn’t do save-the-date cards, because pre-invitation invitations are dumb).

When I was training as a vet tech tongue, lip, nose and eyebrow piercings were all strictly forbidden because a student had her nose ring pulled out by a flailing dog and required cosmetic surgery. They said they wouldn’t check for under-clothing piercings but please keep in mind that any piercing may be squashed…

It’s only a gift if it’s not required. If it’s required, it’s a fee. If you are charging your wedding party fees, you are an ass.

Bride tip that never makes the magazines: Suggesting handmade, homemade or recycled gifts will make your guests happier, and the gifts will be more awesome than anything on your registry. You’ll never know that your great aunt makes fabulous quilts or your college roommate’s husband is a portrait artist otherwise.

I cheated and addressed all the thank you cards before the wedding, then I only had to worry about non-wedding attendees sending me stuff (which, weirdly, happened).

I planned my wedding around when my sister was most likely to be on the correct continent, and when everyone else was most likely to have time to attend. I like my family and friends (at least, the ones I invited) so I have no desire to make their lives difficult if I can avoid it.

Maybe she’s preparing her own run for the presidency. I mean, she wasn’t even official and won the debate. Fox would drop Trump like roadkill for a chance to get their own robot in office, even if she’s got girl cooties.

Excellent essay, thank you.

Huh, my mom went with “We need to do lots of research first to make sure it’s healthy and safe. We could talk to people who have tattoos to see what they feel about having it done. I want to go with you when you get it done, to make sure the person doing it is doing everything right. Maybe we can watch them tattoo…

When my father started business traveling to places with questionable public health his company offered him a range of pretty esoteric vaccines. Each one came with three numbers: chances of catching disease, chance of vaccine working, chance of vaccine reaction. I remember the malaria vaccine at the time all three…

Enforcement of vaccinations would be more effective if the unvaccinated-by-choice were also barred from other high-risk places — hospitals, public parks, public pools, theme parks, daycare, sports teams, restaurants . . .

More proof that Republicans only care about children who are not yet born.

“When in doubt, it is always the parent’s choice,”

Anything loud, bright, flashing, early, late, smelly, or crowded.
At this rate I’m going to need a sensory deprivation chamber by the time I’m 60.