I’d love to do that but I’m the IT guy that people actually like so I can’t:(

Another really common one in IT is, well my computer is acting up so I guess I can can go home for the day right? It’s just one of many reasons that connecting remotely is always preferable to showing up in person.

IT professional here, my normal response to the “huh, person-who-normally-sits-at-this-desk, you look different today!” joke is to deadpan/deadeye look at them and ask how I may help them with zero emotion in either my face or voice.

Can the Rays just have one so bitter fans like myself have something before they slink off to Canada and no one but 5 of us care.

In retrospect the first clue that Chris is in the skinsuit is when Linda requests a fitness centre; gotta have a gym to go to if someone starts asking awkward questions or tries to confide.

I think the problem with people like he, and Romney before him, is that they still literally cannot see the staff working these meals.

“Oh, sure, when a Judge in Florida makes kids cry by giving them his bat, it’s filed to Things We Actually Like.”
-Roy Moore

You can counter with either or both points.

Me, I blame The Soul Squad.

In exchange for a parade in 2016 that everyone not a White Sox fan loved

November 2, 2016: Cubs win World Series, upsetting the delicate equilibrium of the universe, opening up a portal to the Upside Down - a world that looks just like our own, but contains homicidal monsters and everything is covered in a layer of viscous slime.

Although I would want to punch a co-worker in the face who did this...I would not because 1). I am a generally kind person 2). I don’t want to get fired and 3). I love bacon more than the Cubs.

As the resident Cardinals fan at this Chicago office, I made bacon and pancakes for everyone this morning on the office griddle. I figured after the Cardinals spent all weekend fucking the Cubs, I should at least cook them breakfast.

O’Rourke’s answer, impassioned as it was, nevertheless failed to address the fact that the vast, vast majority of firearm deaths in America are from handguns, not assault rifles.

Sometimes it hits in the early 70s. For example, one of these hypothetical old people might confuse “Alabama” with “the Bahamas” and then spend a couple weeks saying he didn’t.

Oh, so that’s why that bizarre 9-year old post is trending today.

Actually the main reason I liked this show was that so many people hated it. There was one commenter in particular who really hated it, and I loved to bait him. Good times....

got heeeeeeeeeem ::high five::

Yes,  That is correct.  Unlike Alabama, the Phillies pay their athletes.

One night, while wearing my white nightgown, I returned to bed where my partner was already asleep. He suddenly wakes, screaming in terror at me. It was so sudden and unexpected, I started screaming back at him. For a brief moment we were both in a horror movie. Fun times.