I just figured he was Humbert Humbert's cousin.

Right, because all women are gorgeous and popular and accepted everywhere they go so if they make any efforts to get involved in a subculture it's just because they're so self centered and greedy that the adoration they get just for having boobs isn't enough for them, they have to have ALL the attention those DAMNED…

We used to get the church crowd on Sundays when I was a server. They used to sit for hours just drinking coffee after they finished their meals (if they even ordered one). Then they would usually leave prayer cards or religious pamphlets on the table with their measly tips.

I think 99% of the people who call it the armpit of America have either never been here or haven't stepped outside Newark Airport.

I'm thankful people like Wilmore exist to eloquently explain my rage aneurism every time someone says "The War of Northern Aggression"

I am literally squirming right now.

If it doesn't vibrate it ain't worth it.

They didn't rewind it? How...unkind.

I'm guessing the post-partum deyuckification takes longer if you birthed a girl. I hate them all and their book and their hair everything they stand for.

That's eleven words that should never be put together again in any combination.

"The dad from That 70s Show?"

The worst part is the comments. I can't make heads or tails of them AT ALL. They follow a logic only known to those whose initials are ND and can only be learned by reading the entrails of an emu under a full moon on leap day.

I would love this if it came from a woman. That it comes from a man with the purpose of "warning" other dudes—no.

Very clearly designed by a man for this point alone.

Yeah, honestly, I can't believe anyone who wants a respectable Hollywood career would take this. Which is why they had such difficulty finding anyone, IIRC.

Anti-trust issues much?

Next time my father and I get into an argument about politics, I'm going to remember this story and give him a big hug instead.

Let me take a brief break from posting funny pictures.