At first glance I thought it was pasta and started drooling.

OH FUCK YES. She walks in maggots, like the night! <3

Hahahahaw! Very grubby shoes.

Definitely not. Would you wear these, though?

I have a feeling we’ll be seeing a lot of Future Senator President Obama in the next few years...

Ocean’s 14: Divorced Dad Hangout

Makes sense, she can’t stay with someone for too long. Otherwise they start asking questions about how she never ages and needs permission to enter people’s homes.

Ha. That’s just brilliant. You win today’s Internets. All of them.

Whatever it is, it starts with M.

Tiffany Trump, because someone has to take the picture.

It’s really got to be hard to be your father’s second choice for a date.

If it had fallen on him I would have started going back to Church (my mom would be thrilled). Close but no cigar, Jesus.

I’m going to suggest something almost too simple and obvious but I expect the results will be amazing: scrambled eggs. I know, I know, you’d like something crazy like Snickers bars or Rueben sandwiches but hear me out. I expect if we can get the right combination of eggs & cheese & temp & time, this will be the most…

I don’t know. I find myself in strange waters here. The guy’s definitely a dick, but it doesn’t sound like all that much money.

How much money is actually involved here? I couldn’t tell by the Report itself (way too tl;dr), but it doesn’t sound like some exorbitant sum compared to what’s regarded as legitimate expenses like bombers we don’t need or ray guns.

But that would mean half your commenting base would be unemployed and unable to comment!

Honestly, I’d rather just stay in a hotel and call it a day. I know what I’m getting and they don’t care what they are getting as long as my credit card works.

Why is it so hard to understand that if you prevent a pregnancy, you prevent an abortion.

I just keep finding reasons to use this.

The body language in that photo is very telling. The touch on the back is a sign of dominance. That Pena Nieto is looking away, rather than at Trump, is submission. That is not an image of partnership. Trump wins this meeting.