Hey baby, I noticed you have braces. I have braces too. Huh huh huh.

I BLEW IT!

The human body has 206 bones in it. You want another one in you?

Before I deleted my account I would always ask women the same thing: "So do you want to hear a ridiculous pick-up line or should we skip the awkward stuff."

Boner Town's this hip new club downtown where J. Cole is playing an announced set tonight....smh Leslie you just lost a good one.

Tonight I'm making nachos, watching pirated Oscar screeners, and maybe smoking a little weed.
Should I make enough nachos for two?

I'm Leslie and I write for this here website.

Wanna ride to Boner Town on the Sausage Express?

In fairness to the hanger-on, he does get a free "Yo Soy Feces" shirt.

[stops celebrating; cups hand to ear]

Listen, he just mastered pants. August should be enough time for him to figure out how to work a shirt.

"As I look back on the common background among my peers, I can safely say that those born between 2012 and 2022 will be known as the Gronk Generation."

"Monsoon season has officially started."

Meanwhile, Julian Edelman, just back from a three-hour jog in the rain, has poured himself a bowl of gravel to enjoy in his empty kitchen.

This is a dark day in America where Skip Bayless is vindicated and Deadspin is supporting said vindication. I believe this was written about in Revelations.

Yay, now we start the NFL news cycle all over again! So much for the days where the league went the hell away for a few months.

Spoken like someone who doesn't know Dan Snyder....

JF: "Hi my name is Johnny, uh, Football and I'm ..."

Man that's a hot new slam! I'll bet that catches on!