Xanax always makes me buy crazy shit, not alcohol.

Engagement Ring / Wedding band

That would be disconcerting, for sure.

I’m so tired of Ben Roethlisberger trying to shove his shit down people’s throats.

If the Pats really wanted to draw Big Ben offsides, all they needed to do was have their safety wear a short skirt.

Patrick, your taste in music is scarily similar to mine. Bravo, sir.

6. FOUR SUPER BOWLS! SUCK OUR FAHKIN CAWK QUEAHS!

Sorry, but a black guy getting bad reception in the Boston area doesn't qualify as shocking news

MY TEARS ARE ACTUALLY CHEMTRAILS AS I TYPE THIS ON A UN BLACK HELICOPTER

Hey DaVinci! Use landscape mode next time, you dumbass!

Just going out on a limb here but I think he was the one recording it just based on how selfie sticks are shaped.

Why post this, if I had a video of myself peeing my pants I wouldn’t upload it to youtube

I’m sorry, I had to.

Duh? I thought it was pretty obvious from the moment the curtain rose.

Here, have the Magikarp too

The extended celebration was a little too much for some people.

Not with a bang but a Geodude.

Raptor Jesus bringing pokemon joy to the world since 2016.