There’s a future for you writing Nationwide commercials for the Super Bowl.

I’ve always had a fantasy where they bring out the family and kids, and when they say turn around or Let’s welcome home Corporal Marine Todd, the family turns around overjoyed and then they wheel out a casket with the flag draped over it.

Poor soldier, having to attend a Rams game. Hasn’t he sacrificed enough?

This is an excellent and accurate critique. I still think it’s a cool line, but you’re right that there are some structural problems.

Totally. I’d buy the shit out of destiny books.

This so easily could have been an unassisted triple play and it makes me irrrationally angry that he didn’t try for it.

The worst thing my kids do is constantly unintentionally (?) hit me in the balls. They are 4 and 6 now and have probably hit/kicked my testicles a combined 326,000 times. Once I literally dropped my daughter in an In-N-Out parking lot because she began kicking as hard as she could when I picked her up and hit me so…

So you’re saying that even at 38 years old he’s still in the top 3 or 4 out of 32 starters... and that’s your evidence that he’s not actually that good?

Yea, but is Joe Flacco elite?

I agree calling him the greatest of his generation is a bit incorrect because he is the greatest OF ALL TIME

We must strike Lord Scrotus with the Thunderpoon.

Shouldn’t you be bouncing on Jerry’s lap?

What was that, Drew? I couldn’t hear you over mouthfuls of Pecan Lodge barbecue.

I would like to apologize to America for making them watch that fat fuck Chris Christie root for The Dallas Cowboys. Honestly If I could find one person in NJ who admitted to voting for that rude, disgusting, uneducated morally bankrupt fat fuck I would beat them to death. While that useless tub of shit is costing the…

DALLAS RULES EVERYONE ELSE SUXXXXXXXXX

HERO

A+

The “drop ID in the mail” thing is technically true, in that the post office treats the ID as non-mail found in the mailbox and makes an effort to return it to the owner. At the library we regularly get packages of library books that someone dropped in a mailbox, and with only the library stamps as a guide, they’ll…

I would do anything for meatloaf, but I won’t do that.

No shit, heck if the cops can charge you with assault for spitting on them, it should definitely be cause to kick someone out of a business and ban them for life. I think “When she was told we didn’t have the full menu after 2 pm, she spat on my daughter.” would be plenty of reason for why she was banned for any sane…