I keep reading the headline of this article as "Priest Claims Matt Damon is Sending Him Text Messages". Not that the real article isn't wonderful, but oh my god, that would be a fucking amazing story.

My advice: if you feel like you never have anything interesting to say, reevaluate how you're living your life. When I spend all my time watching reruns on the couch alone, I get dull... no new experiences to talk about, interesting information to relate, or funny anecdotes, and I'm pretty sure my social skills and…

... I think it's time for an apology. Without any explanations or prevarications.

Thank you for this—I may literally die if I can't watch True Blood S7 right, right now.

That PP is where I got my IUD! Because I'm a huge hobag. Or, you know, a lesbian with a medical condition. I'm 100000% in favor of women having access to contraception devices for any and all reasons, but it's kinda annoying to be slut-shamed when I should really be disability-shamed.

Just like how we all just loooovvvvvveeeee to taaaaaallllkkkkk about equal pay. I'd love to shut up about equal pay. It's a fight that's been going on for so long and is so essential to equal opportunity and equal treatment... I hate it. FOX/GOP, if you're tired of hearing about equal pay, that's all the more reason…

I hope he's able to get sober in a meaningful way and maybe rethink his douchebaggery... There are certainly plenty of sober douches, but in my experience, being a douche is much easier as an active alcoholic and tends to dissipate a little when you actually have to sit in your shit for a while.

I hope so, cuz I'm doing it.

In my experience, the most important part of looking like a writer is sweatpants with a hole in them and disheveled hair. I'm pretty sure the attractiveness of the person underneath doesn't matter at all.

embrasing —> embracing

Pretty random, but does anyone else with PTSD find these movies/books super-triggering? I def won't be able to watch the third :( Just looking for that "I'm not alone" feeling.

BUT WHAT ABOUT HER NEEDLEPOINT SKILLS?

So glad he didn't call in the owl exterminators.

Hey! Stop spamming me! I'm sick of it and I'm standing up for myself! Though you probably count as a "real jerk" and may not respond to this strategy, I thought I'd give it a shot.

A suggestion: if you find yourself struggling to move on after the other person has rejected your advice, Al-Anon and codependency programs (and their literature) may have a lot to offer, even if you wouldn't normally "qualify" in either camp. Kind of like how you can skim a textbook as a refresher instead of diving…

Please tell me you've seen this: http://theoatmeal.com/comics/working…

Edit:

I used to use that trick all the time. Hell, it worked so well that sometimes I'd fall asleep in clubs, on the sidewalk, in a friend's bathtub, etc.

Would someone please explain that to everyone? I feel like almost every time "freedom of speech" is invoked, it's because of shit like this. "My employer fired me because I made racist comments as a team owner/yelled slurs at gay customers/was generally a piece of shit."

Would someone please explain that to everyone? It would