No kidding. I have missed so many chances to let my crazy out.

As someone also on thyroid medication and has been for over ten years, I had no idea I was carrying around a free pass to crazytown. All those wasted opportunities...

I began ignoring the straw policy after that, and the manager dutifully ignored my ignoring of said policy.

House of Pies?? Mr. Trejo’s mom lives in Houston, and the only good thing about having to go see her is HOP

He wasn’t doing this for a rise, he just couldn’t communicate outside of pointing at what he wants. For what it is worth, this guy is a lawyer.

And for my salad, I'll have a bowl of croutons.

I have it on very good authority from Strawberry Shortcake that Blueberry Muffin’s vagina* does, in fact, taste like blueberry.

Fuck yeah

Let’s be Internet friends.

There’s a city in central Massachusetts that is called Worcester. Despite the spelling, it is pronounced “Wooster.” This leads to many people who have never seen it written having no idea how to spell it, and people who have never heard it said out loud having no idea how to pronounce it.

Chalky Death = my new band name.

KAZOOOOOOOOOOOS!

“going to be randomly blurting out “KAZOOOOOS!” for the rest of the day.”

I was way more of a smart-ass when I worked in a bookstore, since my manager was always job hunting and couldn’t have cared less. During the height of the “Twilight” craze, right when the last book and the first movie had been released, we were sent a metric ton of merch, including those SweetHearts chalk-flavored…

They never took a doggie bag home and they never touched Golem Jesus’s meal.

Being the Midwest, describing something as a Christian suburb just means it’s a WASP area, probably upper-middle class, and definitely shitty.

To all prospective barkeeps out there

If being gluten free and vegetarian means being able to eat bread and protein, then I’m the very definition of a gluten free vegetarian.