Ew, gross! You can see their hands and everything! No wonder the guy got in trouble. You get what you deserve, pal.

God, I thought all the wrestling moves in the stadium parking lot were entertainment enough. I can’t wait to see them on the actual sideline!

“So Good... ...So Young” — also the title of the new R. Kelly single?

Good points. I remember Michael Stipe saying, when R.E.M. broke up, “It will be extremely sad never to share a stage with these guys again.” Like, really? I would bet at least 50 bucks that they’ll be reunited before 2020.

I’m certainly not pissed at some band I don’t really care about reuniting. I just think it’s funny that they made a really big deal about breaking up just a couple years ago. It’s just interesting that so many bands/performers make a big deal about splitting/stopping the whole music thing when it’s pretty much the…

Speaking as a fellow February child, I agree with this. It was always nice to look forward to my birthday after the eventual sugar high of Christmas wore off. Although weather-wise, it is obviously the worst month. The charm of winter has worn off, and by the end of the month you just wish somebody would murder you…

Dad?!

All these players openly disrespecting the mighty Surface, smdh. Microsoft must want their endorsement money back.

How bad do you think he wanted to name his shell company “Sark Industries”?

The thing about being a rock star in the ’90s is you had to act like you hated being a rock star.

God. Damn.

The guy sure seems like a dick, but he was great as the bad guy in “Spectre”!

You buried the lead, motherfucker! Always enjoyed reading these.

I also forgot I wasn’t in college last night, having imbibed three cans of Steel Reserve, shambled drunkenly to Taco Bell, ordered seven crunchy tacos, and cried myself to sleep.

This was 1998, so I was 19, right in that prime age of being an asshole. Every year my mom and I, not having any family in the area, trudged all the way to suburban D.C., where my cousins lived. Right before dinner my cousins told me that there wasn’t any more room at the adults table and that I had to sit at the kids…

Surprisingly good store brand of pizza rolls: Aldi’s!

Mistakenly purchased the Hot Pockets Snack Bites a week ago for drunk nibbling. STRAIGHT GARBAGE. They besmirched both my toaster oven and the good name of Hot Pockets. Yes, I have strong opinions on snack foods. No, I don’t have a girlfriend.

This hero sportswriter is right! I’m sick of our quarterbacks having female significant others!

The Vice Headline-Writing Style Guide is really working out for you guys!

Acceptable time to start listening to Christmas music: right after the Macy’s parade is done. Anything earlier creeps me out and/or gives me a headache.