Fuck!

“Yeah, no African players, mayhem, disruption, all that, but hold on...I got Kia Joorabchian on the other line offering to sell us eight Argentinians with fake Luxembourg passports. All we have to spend is £1billion in Krugerrands delivered to a safe deposit box in the Turks and Caicos.”

I’m 30-years-old. I’m in a relationship that I’m comfortable will never bear children of my own for the rest of my physical life. Yet, I cannot watch these videos without crying and praying for change. I know I will never live to feel 1/1,100th of the pain these women went through, yet it kills that there will…

That isn’t all, actually. You forgot to the part where the rest of us from Massachusetts tell you to eat shit and get over it.

I was blessed enough myself to be in a situation pretty much copied from yours. Supportive family, dedicated doctors, committed friends; and I still couldn’t bear so many times. People often say that trying to die by suicide helps you contextualize—I had a member of my support group say that once he had taken that…

If you see pictures of him and Obama together, 6'3" is plausible for a height. For weight, I’m putting it in the 260-270 range, because he must have the muscle definition of a fucking filet mignon.

Heading through that underpass is the first thing an Aggie has legitimately passed in years.

“We’re gonna improve our infrastructure, let me tell you! We’ll start with a highway from Ramstein AFB to the reserve sides of Bundesliga clubs, and then build a giant bridge from there to the good ol’ U S of A!”

GOD FEEL THAT GENIUS CUTTING POLITICAL SATIRE

In response, US Soccer said the following in a statement: “We’re going to build a better recruitment and retention system and make Jonathan González pay for it. MAKE USMNT MILDLY COMPETITIVE AGAIN!”

Feeling like goddamn McBain, “That’s the joke...”

The lost story here is how the Jets somehow got a favorable call in the first quarter—A toss/handoff that was dropped and should have been a fumble—going to the Jets because technically it was a six-inch forward pass.

No comparison at all. Toronto is the Six, while Cleveland is the Deuce.

I’m 6'6" and trust me...we would. Scaffolding of any age: don’t mess with it. “Watch your Head” sign: we read it as, “You really better watch out, you giant”. We have meetings to complain that all the nice off-the-rack pants only have a max inseam of 34".

Just a bit of a counterfactual as to the “Spurs can’t keep a player” idea: Let’s say a certain Mr. Modric and Mr. Bale never left because Spurs won the league and are in the hunt of a Champions League title. Would this even be a conversation now?

Alejandro Villanueva out there looking like the white guy lost in Bed-Stuy trying so hard not to look scared

I can’t decide which is my favorite part: John McCain just walking in out of turn, the shift in Mitch McConnell’s face from “shit-eating grin” to “oh shit”, or McCain’s staring at McConnell for a second or two after he voted. It’s all such amazing theater.

On the bright side, while he’s not going to be playing for his country anymore, he’ll be able to serve its government, as President Erdoğan, on hearing this news, immediately fired 150 civil servants to hire him as his press secretary.

Obviously it’s different sports, but I saw the game live and thought of it as something like a play out of a soccer game. Manny’s foot comes up unnaturally after initial contact and ends up in the back of Dustin Pedroia’s calf muscle; obviously I can’t say for sure that it was intentional, but there’s a case to be…

Those are real Reddit-quality graphics, but might I suggest using the “Home” key before you put yourself through all that strenuous work? It works magic, I promise.