Asshole Republicans caused Duke to lose a game. For the first time in months, I’m remembering what it’s like for the world to make sense.

To me: absolutely. You can see in the clip of the actual ceremony that the card is pretty confusing, it only says the category in tiny letters at the bottom, which even I’d need glasses to make out. Warren Beatty clearly knew something was up, and made the mistake of going to Faye Dunaway, who clearly thought he was…

Let’s hope this isn’t his magnum Opus.

I’m taking this as a tacit admission that Samer “giggles”.

If only Mike Pereira were there to explain how he hadn’t made a complete “cricket move”, so it wouldn’t be a legal catch.

“I need my brain.” -Pacman Jones, on why he refused to stop going to strip clubs

As the 4.0 students in UNC’s Swahili classes would say in the language they’ve spent so long to learn: “Man, fuck that shit, TARHEEL NATION!!”

I’m currently in a psych ward visiting a close relative. There’s an elderly man from Chicago here with severe dementia. Whenever he sees the front page of the newspaper, he begins alternately celebrating and crying about every three minutes, as, to him, he’s just getting the news for the first time.

“There’s liquor there, some naked chick, that’s cool. It’s a good bar; bad strip club.”

I too would suggest, through Mr Buress, that it was not an improvement.

“Pura vida”. Couldn’t be said better. I never had the privilege of watching Jose in person, but I loved his passion for the game, and how he carried himself on the field; full of life, fun, and love for the game. He played the game truly the right way. As Eduardo said, he didn’t work ball, he played it. He was the…

As my granddad would say: You’re trying to pick up bullshit with logic. It ain’t gonna work.

Nah, it may have started near the zone but dude actually took possession about 10 meters past. That was about a JV-level handoff.

Watch out for his exclusive scoop that LeBron is about to sign a max deal with the Seattle SuperSonics.

Also, to be fair to him, Bill damn sure hit a barbecue joint on Broadway pretty hard before the ceremony, so you know he was feeling the itis at that point.

I love when it cuts to Bill the first time he brings up Palestinian folk, and you can tell he’s doing the whole “Hmm...just perusing the program here, totally not paying attention!” bit.

Just be glad he didn’t call him “Cassius Clay".

Not exactly a cult, just some whacko, but Google “David Icke”—that’s what (or who, in this case) you’re thinking of.

In this case, “the U” is short for “Yo’U're going to be picked by the Brewers in the 14th round, struggle through six years of minor league ball making damn-near-minimum wage after your pitiful signing bonus, only to be called a “fucking foreign queer” by Brian McCann for having the audacity to be excited about…

“I used to do drugs. ...I still do, but I used to, too.” (RIP)

Ruben Boumtje-Boumtje