Doesn’t the reaction of the goalie make it kind of obvious that it was a goal, camera angles aside? The sagged shoulders and the lack of any attempt to clear the ball are pretty much dead-on giveaways.

I think you made my point exactly. This dude is bigger (both in height and weight—which I take to mean strength on the ball) than Ballack, Drogba, Adebayor, or even Lewandowski (who, despite being 6'/170lb, seems to tower over other players). Straight line speed in vastly underrated in soccer (see Gareth Bale vs Marc…

This dude is the reverse of the overbearing “What if soccer were the dominant sport in the US?” thinkpieces. If he’d took to soccer, no doubt he’d be killing it in the Bundesliga right now.

If this isn’t a joke, then you need to get back in touch with your friend Google.

I’d agree with you, but I’m pretty sure those dudes are too busy trying to find Kelly Olynyk and Tyler Zeller jerseys on clearance at Dick’s right now to notice.

As a Celtics fan, the idea of putting, say, Buddy Hield in the role Marcus Smart has been in this year makes me so giddy I could punch out Matt Bonner, and fuck up a Texas Tech yokel, in excitement.

Well, if we consult the McCann Convention, I’m sure all of the following would be violations: Smiling, laughing, displaying admiration and respect for an opponent’s achievement, acknowledging implicitly that playing baseball can be fun, and having a name that ends in one of them funny foreign letters like ‘Z’.

This, everyone, is the *real* “right way to play the game”.

Since you’re just getting into the Premier League, let me inform you, before you embarrass yourself, that Leicester is pronounced “Lee-chester”.

Rumun Ndur
Mike Grier
Fred Brathwaite
Kevin Weekes

I bring those guys up because they me of what my mother once said about racism towards black hockey players: “If you can figure out the color of a man’s skin under all that gear, you need to stop trying so hard to be a racist.”

I moved to Sweden for a few years, and one of the first things I noticed at a supermarket were the abnormally long conveyor belts at checkout. It wasn’t until I was there myself that I realized that it is customary there to line up one’s shopping single-file, with all the barcodes facing towards the scanner. This is…

No matter how boring one’s husband is, there’s no excuse for dating on-the-side a grown man who: 1) still brings a glove to a baseball game, 2) still rocks the backwards snapback, and 3) thinks taking a married woman to front-row seats at a ballgame is a good idea.

It’s in a book; it must be the truth

Other traits Pablo Sandoval shares with the Big Dig: being way too expensive, causing a shitshorm of huge proportions, and having the danger to kill someone by falling on them.

Clickbait whiners are the new highlight truthers.

Didn’t he debut at 18? I remember when he first came up, I read that he couldn’t throw a slider for the same reason Little Leaguers shouldn’t throw curveballs. It’s crazy.

Let’s see you write some better copy in that situation....

[Rough translation to American, in the Hawk Harrelson dialect]: “Alright, so it’s 2 down here, in the seventh, our Sox are down 8-1, sacks empty. We’re gonna need a real comeback here, boys.”

Just heard Slime Season 3 today. Everyone talks about how Thugger uses his voice like a instrument. I like to think that he uses it more like an automatic weapon; a shot here, a few more shots there, and at any point he might let the clip loose. Either way, motherfuckers gonna drop.

It looks like he’s announcing that the secret ingredient in Kitchen Stadium is shark meat.