You know, I was kind of on board with the idea of this piece until that lemon water thing — the best part is that there’s a link as if to indicate that there’s proof of this inanity, but the study mentioned in the linked article only regards regular water, and then to add carelessness to incompetence the stock photo…

I nuke them for 30 seconds before I give them to her. Also, she has teeth for a reason.

I can’t even imagine how anyone raises a kid without bribery. My entire parenting philosophy is based around trying to find the very best bribe.

It also helps with toxins, I’ve heard.

Furthermore, the link goes to LIVESTRONG. They use freelance content creators just like eHow and a lot of other sites, and while we tend to be generally honest and useful types (we: freelance writers), we’re not doctors. We’re just regurgitating stuff that other people have said. It’s health blog telephone over there,…

Mine has started walking backwards on all fours butt up in the air after going to the bathroom screaming “DADDY WIPE!!!!! DAAAAAADDDDYYYYY WIIIIIIIPE!!!”

Gurl, you’re not a “Do Something Bitch,” you’re a “Do Everything Bitch.”

Read an article on Jez about how lemon water “gets your metabolism going” as if that’s a fucking thing

My kid is afraid of Cookie Monster and refuses to watch the Street. It’s horrible.

My child will literally only binge watch Daniel Tiger. You try to put Sesame Street on and he screams NOOOOO I WANT DANIEL TIGER!!!! He’s kept this up for over a year. Nothing but Daniel Tiger on Netflix. Thank god they just added the first half of the second season.

Neither of the dogs that are in my life seem to understand that they need to eat floor food for me. I don’t know what the hell is wrong with them.

You are engaging in some high-level mothering, and I salute you. I love my child, but toddlers are basically tiny monsters.

Do you do laundry and mop up sick (human or animal) drinking your lukewarm tea/coffee because you forgot it half an hour ago - all at the same time? I find this is a wonderful way to start the day.

Amen. Amen. Sister, Amen.
I’d totes meditate if I didn’t have a baby screaming in my face LITERALLY the second I wake up. It’s hard to find peace with a raptor next to you.

I starred, unstarred, and then starred this again. I love this comment and I will do my best to stay awake until I can get on bus to go home.

How to start your day like Mocena:

This is why I changed my screenname from an obviously female one (it had “lady” in it) to a totally neutral one. Even on Jezebel, the response has been better - I get more stars and more responses to anything accidentally witty I post, and a hell of a lot less backlash and snideness.

I’m a woman and I don’t bother to correct other commenters on other Kinja sites when they think I’m a man. I get treated much nicer on certain sites (*COUGHGIZMODOCOUGH*) now that I’ve changed my username to something more, er, aggressive-sounding than Guacamole.

I write under male-sounding names online, and I have mixed feelings about it. Is it easier? Fuck yes. Does it make me angry how much easier it is? Fuck yes.