My first year university roommate kept A LOT of microwave safe plastic wrap on her side of the room. I asked her about it and she told me that she used it as dental dam material to make sure she was practising safe oral sex with her girlfriend. That was in 1996 or ‘97 or so.

You know, I was kind of on board with the idea of this piece until that lemon water thing — the best part is that there’s a link as if to indicate that there’s proof of this inanity, but the study mentioned in the linked article only regards regular water, and then to add carelessness to incompetence the stock photo…

I nuke them for 30 seconds before I give them to her. Also, she has teeth for a reason.

I can’t even imagine how anyone raises a kid without bribery. My entire parenting philosophy is based around trying to find the very best bribe.

It also helps with toxins, I’ve heard.

Furthermore, the link goes to LIVESTRONG. They use freelance content creators just like eHow and a lot of other sites, and while we tend to be generally honest and useful types (we: freelance writers), we’re not doctors. We’re just regurgitating stuff that other people have said. It’s health blog telephone over there,…

Mine has started walking backwards on all fours butt up in the air after going to the bathroom screaming “DADDY WIPE!!!!! DAAAAAADDDDYYYYY WIIIIIIIPE!!!”

Gurl, you’re not a “Do Something Bitch,” you’re a “Do Everything Bitch.”

Read an article on Jez about how lemon water “gets your metabolism going” as if that’s a fucking thing

My kid is afraid of Cookie Monster and refuses to watch the Street. It’s horrible.

My child will literally only binge watch Daniel Tiger. You try to put Sesame Street on and he screams NOOOOO I WANT DANIEL TIGER!!!! He’s kept this up for over a year. Nothing but Daniel Tiger on Netflix. Thank god they just added the first half of the second season.

Neither of the dogs that are in my life seem to understand that they need to eat floor food for me. I don’t know what the hell is wrong with them.

You are engaging in some high-level mothering, and I salute you. I love my child, but toddlers are basically tiny monsters.

Do you do laundry and mop up sick (human or animal) drinking your lukewarm tea/coffee because you forgot it half an hour ago - all at the same time? I find this is a wonderful way to start the day.

Amen. Amen. Sister, Amen.
I’d totes meditate if I didn’t have a baby screaming in my face LITERALLY the second I wake up. It’s hard to find peace with a raptor next to you.

clone those lemons and make super lemons!

I know that feeling. A few years back, I was at a Radio Shack with a friend, and he was futzing around with a remote controlled tank while I was paying for my batteries. I said "You know what? I bet I could blow up the whole goddamned planet in this tank." And the cashier busted out laughing. I love meeting fellow…

I would back this on Kickstarter. This show has informed my vocabulary to the extreme. I quote it DAILY and NO ONE EVER KNOWS.

When I am doing a robot voice (don't look at me that way, you make robot voices!) I will instinctively throw in a "wesleyy!" but NOONE ever knows what the f I'm talking about.