As if his hands could wrap all the way around a baby’s neck.

To accent my Lenovo laptop (with the faulty hinge) I adorn my desktop with a mousepad I bought at a tourist market in Lima, Peru, and a bespoke cardboard phone stand painted by my 6-year-old. Top that.

To accent my Lenovo laptop (with the faulty hinge) I adorn my desktop with a mousepad I bought at a tourist market…

Twenty bucks says this does more damage to Billy Bush than to Trump.

From “Yes We Can” to “No Fat Chicks”.

Except for her ex-husband.

He’s in one of Trump’s early endorsers.

And now he’s going to be disqualified for having the runs.

It is my hope that I will have a similar attitude towards my marriages.

You’d think the mayor would appreciate somebody who didn’t dwell on Rio’s problems.

• What is the difference between a cat and a comma?

Exception to the comma rule: it’s ok, when, you are, imitating William Shatner, or Captain Kirk!

Proper grammar and punctuation. Specifically, plural’s do not have apostrophes; random “words” do not need quotation “marks” for emphasis; and don’t go, sticking commas, just anywhere in a, sentence for the hell of it.

Right, zoos are just the main groups actively involved in animal conservation. But what do you really care about that? Oh right, you don’t care.

Well, that’s just fucking awful. Just goes to show that wild animals, no matter how docile they may seem in captivity, are still wild animals, I guess. I feel for this woman and her family.

Because Bill O’Reilly, that’s why.You tell me.

There would have been, but Tony Stewart killed him.

You think you’re quoting Spock, but it was Kirk, in Star Trek VI, quoting J.M. Barrie, Peter Pan.

I speak from experience when I say that this sounded significantly better than a Broken Robot B.J.