Paul Brown, writer: “Hey, Megan Greenwell, editor-in-chief of Deadspin, I’d like to pitch you a story.”

I thank you. I’ve been trying to get onto social media, but whenever I go to pick up my phone I end up at the other side of the house. Geometry’s been going a little weird since... it. 

We would, but when Mr. [Imagine A Million Tormented Souls Screaming In Unison As They’re Stretched Out Across Infinity, That’s Kind Of What It Sounds Like] showed up, every copy of The Sandman within a hundred miles burst into flame, unleashing a torrent of weeping demons across the land.

Thanks Nobody! Kevin was actually reduced to a statue of ash and living terror when our... guest made an entrance, but we’ll just move what’s left of him in this plane of reality in front of [I’d write his name here but I lack the requisite tentacles, and it’s written in dead atoms anyway] and the television so that…

Terry says thanks for the thoughts and the suggestion!

You gotta hand it to Marvel: They have a pretty solid track record of casting people who seem to embody their characters. Downey Jr IS Iron Man. Evans IS Captain America. Hemsworth IS Thor. And from the looks of it, this kid IS Spider-Man. And that’s great. They’re not just actors playing roles—they’re ambassadors for…

I wouldn’t call myself (then or now) someone with a long attention span, but I was completely mesmerized the whole way through. I saw it at Radio City Music Hall when it was re-released in the late 1980s and seeing it on that big a screen was enthralling.  Pretty much every frame is beautiful and the story never bogs…

Nowadays, they’d split it into two movies and people would be furious at the second half, but to me, seeing that “hey, being a hero turns out to be bullshit for all involved” was amazing. Probably something they should keep away from teenagers until they’re fully on board societal nonsense, though.

That’s just how acting was back then.

That’s the lesson I got from Lawrence of Arabia. And also to stick with smaller sodas in the movie theater.

Yeah, like how William Tell used to get hammered and try to do the apple trick with his guests. Pretty soon no one in Switzerland would accept an invitation to one of his cocktail parties.

Didn’t sound much like the Star Wars theme to me, but I’ll give them the seal of approval anyway.

“This movie is another 80s reboot.”

“...by choosing to attribute Chucky’s demon seed to a disgruntled Vietnamese sweatshop worker disabling a microchip’s protocols.”

Obligatory

I’m more looking forward to a Geodude fad, but to each his own

They really are opening a container of disturbing worms with this whole “stick a face on it and it’s a sentient toy” bit.

So... does this movie mean that kids can essentially create life?

My prediction - and fervent hope - is that this introduces an Underworld Hyrule for ‘Breath of the Wild’, like in ‘Link Between Worlds’. They can essentially double the map of the first one while adding in all sorts of new environments and settlements.

Considering that they have the entire overworld finished already from the first game, they very well could add a bunch of dungeons to this one, especially with the "oh crap, we found bad shit underground" vibe of this trailer.