ooh. Closet drunk. I can see that.

Does he actually claim to be a Super Taster? Because if he does, he’s definitely a liar.

I bet Boucher was trying to have a backyard barbecue, and THAT’S when Rand decided he absolutely had to mow his lawn. That’s what happens to us when we try to use our backyard. Our asshole neighbors on either side decide that after a month of not giving a fuck about their lawn height, they MUST mow and edge the lawn…

I know TWO Aerospace Engineers that are incredibly smart, but seriously Right Wing. Like, they won’t vote for McCain (both live in AZ) because he’s too liberal.

Old women often have brittle/fragile bones from osteoporosis.

That actually sounds reasonable, if annoying.

Open WIDER, not wiser.

Manely on the plain.

Yes. Big and tall pants have a longer rise/crotch measurement to accommodate the belly, and typically have a longer fly/zipper to allow them to open wiser to get them on and off over the fuller buttock area.

yeah, I’m confused because I thought the “real unemployment number” is 35% (or something equally ridiculous) and it would seem like having FEWER people that need jobs would make the unemployment number go down? Like the fastest way to bring unemployment to zero would be to just go out and shoot in the head everyone…

My mother used to to say it was better to be happily single than miserably married. This outlook didn’t stop her from trying to pair up again after her divorce, but the last 10 years of her life she was happily single.

Jesus may love you, but I think you’re a stupid asshole.

It’s almost like the difference between “Merry Christmas” and “Merry Christmas ya filthy animal!”

If you think Catholicism is the worst, you’ve clearly never studied Mormonism. My mother got caught up with LDS, and they are fucking insane.

Sounds like high iron content in the water.

I cannot keep my keys ON me, which is why I keep them in my bag (or when I was in high school, my book bag).

“Afterthe meeting, the person who’s office is right next to mine told me that they were glad they shared a wall with me as they feel it increases their chance of surviving.”

Finally my paranoid delusions are paying off!

But then they also yell at you if you grab your purse and/or coat on the way out. It was that way even in school drills. No, I won’t leave it, because if this bitch is burning down, I need to get home and into my apartment to feed my cats, and if it isn’t, I’m going to work on my book/knitting project while we sit…

Let’s just make everything legal, then! Tada! Zero crime!