It’s Portland, i.e., where young people go to retire.

Brown Shirts would be scary - they were willing to deal out violence even if they had to take some themselves.

Psychopaths working for the powerful raisin lobby. 

The East Bay is the best place on Earth. When I die I hope they bury me in the Coliseum parking lot, which will absolutely still be there because the A’s will still be trying to find a site for their new ballpark.

The only way to tell if Melania actually cooked the greens is if there are raisins or some other Martha Stewarty type nonsense like sage & a four leaf clover in them. Cuz if they are then we know Melania cooked it.

Could we call him “Boss”? Because that would really bring my childhood full circle.

“White people having to witness racial harassment is more upsetting to companies than black people having to experience racial harassment.”

Truly, is there anything more American than two mediocre white people failing up?

Put it in the mail.

After showing up to meet her in that brooch, did you really think Princess Michael was getting an invite? 

Either that, or a small table stacked with People and nudie mags next to a toilet somewhere.

organizational skills like a drunk monkey

Why should the LGBT community sacrifice our own safety for straight people who historically haven’t given a fuck about us?

When minorities and women sue, it’s cause they’re money-grubbers. When white males do, it’s because their rights have been trampled upon and they need to be properly compensated.

Yeah. At the very least, she should be cautious towards her in-laws and look for signs that they may by destructive in her life.

It’s depressing as hell, and I am genuinely surprised that the CDC got any study done that even remotely touched upon the subject of gun violence. Someone is getting a major ass-chewing that any study on gun violence made the light of day, and I’ll be super-surprised if we see any future studies touching on the…

required people to use the bathroom on their birth certificates

I thought Cthulhu praising was more of a CIA thing.

Tell him your religion dictates that you wack him in the balls with your foot every 20 minutes. I’m sure he’ll be tolerant of your religious belief. Oh, and don’t forget to yell “Hallelujah!” every time you do it.