we want them to find their identity in God and in Christ

This kid looks like if a mad scientist tried to make Will Forte a total babe.

I would do anything for meatloaf, but I won’t do that.

I can sing several verses of Amazing Grace because my best friend had a zealot-y phase growing up and taught them to me. But my raised-atheist little ass just thought it was a pretty song about an actual woman named Grace who went around helping people. She seemed nice.

I am horrified by myself that I did this, but this is by far the most awkward thing that I have ever experienced at a funeral.

#ICANNOTBEOWNED

Not buying it. No diabetic doesn’t have glucose tabs or orange juice or a honey packet on them. And it’s the responsibility of the person to be prepared for symptoms of their illness. I have asthma and some anaphylactic allergies. My inhaler and Epi are always with me. Always.

Seriously? Someone in your party is having a medical emergency and you thought it was hunky dory to sit there and stew about your waitress?!? Servers are not EMTs, and maybe she was at the mercy of a slow/slammed bartender. Call 911 or at least get up and go to the bar yourself, but don’t pin it on the server. There’s…

I hate gold and diamonds as well. You could could do what I did, and not have an engagement ring. And then buy indestructible wedding rings, because I am a klutz and would be terrified to wear something so expensive on my hand.

Do these people think that’s a teaching moment? Like “oh, I’ll show you, server person, with this super unnecessary comment on the check”? Because all it teaches me, folks, is that the world would be better off if you were eaten by dragons.

Opals over diamonds any day, thanks. Opals are flawed, and that’s what makes them beautiful.

In all seriousness? If Comedy Central picked up BCO for a sketch comedy show formatted exactly like Drunk History, in that they pick a central narrator for each tale and real household-name actors dramatize the story and lipsync the dialog... I WOULD WATCH THE SHIT OUT OF THAT.

you beautiful, naive land mermaid.

Well, it’s all about how much it can haul. Obviously, a doucheschooner hauls more than a douchecanoe, though both pale before the douchefreighter.

To preface this: the following story takes place in Florida.

Once, my mom and dad told us they were giving us the house for the weekend while they were taking a cruise. I was 18 and I was going to have friends over. It was going to be a fantastic weekend!

I had went out to lunch at the mall with my mom, I had to have been in my early 20’s. We stopped in the food court to ear and as usual mom took out her top plate of dentures. She used to say she couldn’t eat with them in, so she would oh so smoothly use a tissue and pop out the teeth.

See, this is confusing to me because we said “fuckboy” in college—I’m an Old, suuuper White and went to a very White school. We used it as one would use “donor”, “slam piece” or “dial-a-dick”. A fuckboy was someone you would do it with but who enjoyed no other place in your life or perhaps even your social circle. I…