GIVE YO CHILD A NICKNAME, POSTHASTE.

I actually know a few Black dudes with Subarus. One of them just happens to live on my block. The thing about dudes like that is that they’re often the only other Black people at some functions, and White people assume I’m like him. Then I’ll say some low key militant shit, and it’s like “huh? I thought he was one of…

“I’m not like other black people. I like swimming”

He’s got something to prove, that’s usually what I think.

Okay. I don’t mean to tell tales out of school but it is all the feelings if it is just you and some Iconic Blackman at a chi-chi function and you all are schoolmates and he gives you that look.

NUH-UHN, chica! Blerds are EVERYWHERE (check out Planet EJOBN on FB: almost 200K of us and growing)

I can smell the coconut spray in his car.

Are you pulling my leg? Just click on the word “Harrison” that will explain it.

As a black Subaru driver, me when I see another black Subaru driver:

Alternatively “I like all kinds of music.”

Nah, nigga you don’t. Just say Tom Petty and stop soft shoeing around the subject.

I die everytime I see this sketch because my bug fuck crazy Conservative, Evangelical with an MD but still somehow doesn’t believe in evolution Uncle has that exact. Same. Outfit.

**inserts quote about Beyonce being Queen and ‘yaaasss’**

“I don’t really like rap.”

“I’ve never experienced racism.”

“I’m not like most black people. I voted for Bernie Sanders. Who was the last politician that offered us universal healthcare?”

11: He wants to go by Harrison

I actually liked it better with it misspelled. Implying that this black person had not actually watched the show but was lying to seem different.

Butternut squash is fucking delicious and more people should know it.*

And there’s #10: you are the only two black peeps in a social situation and you receive that Uber-impersonal gaze that slides over and off you...

I mean...