“firing eight shots. Seven went into the garbage, while an eighth was fired out the window and into a field. ”

Are you saying no one wants Jonathan Papelbon either?

yeah you definitely don’t want a closer known for choking.

The unwritten rules of baseball say this should be settled on the field by Harper waiting until Papelbon is on the mound, then nailing him in the back with a beanball from the outfield.

Does he just think he can come in right at the end and alter the outcome? Who does this guy think he is?

Washington should be happy that Papelbon is going for the jugular again. Always want my closer to have a cutthroat mentality.

Papelbon’s right, you know. Doesn’t seem very fair that he should get in trouble when there’s 25 guys in that dugout who choked.

I came home one night to hear my parents enjoying a movie in the den. I go back there and they’ve rented 40 Days and 40 Nights with Josh Hartnett. It was funny but they really enjoyed the last thirty minutes of it and it was so awkward because he’s running around with a boner and dreams of flying over a sea of tits. I…

Wonder Woman Eiffel Tower set to Tom Waits’ “Chocolate Jesus”?

At least he’s falling out of favor in most philosophy classes. A lot of professors no longer even believe in putting Descartes before the course.

very funny, but -1, technically.

It honestly makes me the angriest at the racist and xenophobic assholes who think the unwashed and malevolent masses are trying to take “their” country away. Fuckers, if you want to know what it feels like to have a bunch of violent religious zealots overthrow your country and fundamentally change your way of life,…

Any debate surrounding gun violence was over after Sandy Hook. We decided that killing first-graders was acceptable, and there’s not really any coming back from that.

Police are reportedly looking for “three white men in military gear.”

Fine but in the 60’s they would have arrested the Panthers.

RG3 made the same excuse about his Wounded Knee

I for one wish this fellow many happy returns.

If I ever own my own business, I’m closing from Christmas to Jan 3rd. Nobody is open, nobody is doing business that week. Might as well write it off and throw the employees an extra week. Hell, I might even be able to get away with only giving one week of paid vaca if I give em the whole week between Christmas and New…

Also, in lieu of sugarcubes or simple syrup, you can use real maple syrup. Not that aunt jemima/log cabin HFCS crap, i mean the real thing. It gives the same sweetness and the maple flavor gives it this earthy awesome depth. Not the manliest configuration, but its DELICIOUS.