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United States Citizenry Only Found Out Via Twitter That Nuclear Weapons Had Been Fired.

I know. It sucks.

Oh, it’s happening sweetheart...

I don’t know whether to laugh at the absurdity, or cry at the realistic possibility.

This will seem normal by the time Trump fires off his first state of the union Tweet.

Still better than a rainy dyke.

+1 gander

I loved that, too. That should should be the refrain of all government officials to owners threatening relocation.

+1 Corky

Good thing they got their hiking boots on in the middle of the ocean. Never know when you might happen upon a mountain while at sea.

When ever I hear that “I believe in second chances” bullshit, all I can think is that I believe in earning second chances. They’re not given to you, they’re earned. 

Because women say stuff like ‘you totally shouldn’t fly down to Miami tonight and get shitfaced with Justin Bieber then go out on a boat.’ And dudes say stuff like ‘We should totally fly down to Miami tonight and get shitfaced with Justin Bieber then go out on a boat.’

Listen, if they wanted to know specifics about how things were run the person they should be talking to is the Specific Manager.

I’m surprised the ref didn’t reverse the call out of sheer shock that he said “please”, “sir”, and “oh my goodness gracious.” I wish we had more mics like this, I wonder if it’s commonplace or if we just always assume they’re cursing

Rarely have I seen someone so incensed yet so respectful

He is not the only Vikings fan that wants to hang him self after this season.

Well, if anyone can appreciate how wrong it is to plunder land belonging to others, it’s the Vikings.

In that dress? With those heels? With all that ballast in every direction? And at that age? No, a real pro picks her battles.

“And that’s what it is”