I’d like to give you a star tomorrow. Will you be home between the hours of 9am to 4pm to accept? If not, I won’t be available until next month.

Wherever they land, they should sell stadium naming rights to Comcast and become the OverChargers.

They got the next best thing to a bye. They got the Bears.

I hadn’t even heard of Jimmy Johns until I moved to the Midwest. Now they’re every 5 fucking feet. The worst is every time I see them building a new strip mall on my commute with a drive-thru, I have a few days of excitement before the inevitable “Jimmy Johns” banner goes up (or Caribou Coffee, the Jimmy Johns of…

ADDENDUM: I wrote this without realizing that you CANNOT get your sub toasted at Jimmy Johns.

We have one of these for handicapped use at my office and it drives me fucking bugshit when a person with no handicap uses them because...

I’m agog. That’s like growing up without the ability to hear, and the first music you hear is Nickelback.

The more you ignore him, the closer he gets.

I mean or if you wanted to open up a portal to the Upside-Down...just in time for Christmas!

When it comes to morose English lyricists who were molested by a close relative, Morrissey still beats Martin Gore, but damn if “Blasphemous Rumours” isn’t up there with “There Is a Light That Never Goes Out” and “Unlovable” in the pantheon of Sad Bastard Classics.

As an employee in Demand-Side Management at one of the nation’s largest electric utilities AND a native of Chicagoland, I hereby declare this to be a Quality Post™.

I’m waiting for the appointments of Colonel Sanders as the Head of Veterans Affairs and Ronald McDonald as White House Chef.

Think about it this way. If you wanted to absolutely not build functional nukes (or anything else), then Rick’s a pretty decent choice.

Kind of a low ranking for the Fridge. At a minimum, I’m sure he’s well versed in EnergySTAR certification, which has to count for something at DOE.

Perrys Who Should Run the Department of Energy, Ranked

He’ll be back. He’s just the man to transform the Browns from a 1-15 or 0-16 to a 6-10 or 7-9 team.

This is so amazing. The Jeff Fisheriest thing that could ever happen...

3 bedroom, 2 1/2 bath, big dining room, big kitchen, bonus room/man cave, big back yard, 2 car garage, 14 hours from NYC. $1100 month mortgage.

“Cleveland faces the Bills next Sunday” was the first draft of Hemingway’s famous six-word story.

Samer,