It looks like it might involve a travel

His back must hurt like a mofo. I’m middle-aged with perfect posture, but my lumbar hurts like hell.

The woman was a champion at plucking splinters from the eyes of others whilst having a redwood jammed straight through her orbital socket.

I’ll spare you (and my girlfriend of twenty years ago) any further contact embarrassment or details, but let us say that this woman’s daughters learned the lessons of their mother’s…

“We allow only the best aliens! Only the smoothest, shiniest greys are good enough. If we get some tentacled loser from Beta Reticuli, saying ‘Mr. Trump, please let me stay and anally probe some hardworking Americans,’ we send it right back to its shithole planet. That’s right”

The main reason I stopped following broadcast news was to avoid hearing Trump speak. His garbled nonsense babble is grating on my brain. It’s like trying to understand a foreigner whose fourth language is English, only there is zero patience because English is supposed to be his native tongue.

So he’s a dumbass who is wasting money and fuel. 

OTOH, a bunch of NY pizza snobs are wasting money on some useless gadget that does nothing so I’m all for it.

 Shut up, tomato. 

For the life of me I’ve known exactly one person that likes (not prefers, but can enjoy eating) those Milky Way/“fluffy-chocolate” candies. To each their own, but let’s say, we all know we’d take that out...what’s next?

I do the same thing, also in a Chicago office, but I also lay tidings at the feet of my Molina Funko Pop and Fredbird bobblehead.

When does Gates finally admit that he had a pee bottle next to his PC?

I’m surprised he made time in his schedule to lick tang 

“It’s not entirely clear who this fired-up fan of capitalism was shouting at here”

The lack of diced onions and cilantro at Chipotle is an inexcusable crime against all that is good and holy (ie, tacos and burritos).

Normally I’d gasp and clutch my pearls and feign offense, but I also recently killed yet another bottle of Yucateco XXXtra hot so...well played, lol.

I wanted to pedantically disagree with this take, pointing out that there’s no way he could run 20 yds left on a regulation football field.

I would donate my entire 401(k) to Elizabeth Warren if she said, during a debate, “Well, my plan is ______, but you know, mushroom dick over here, he...”

I like to mix it in with the bread crumbs if I’m doing chicken cutlets or something. It adds flavor without messing up the texture.

Hispanic is not at all considered a racial slur, even in the slightest. I don’t know a single person who has ever been offended being called hispanic. Hispanic really just refers to someone from a country whose national language is Spanish.