OMG. Just lying to the elderly.

There’s only so much popcorn we can eat. I’ve already gained 12 pounds since Nov 8. No more popcorn for me. I’ve switched to vodka.

You’re making making waaay too much sense over there...

Our foster kittens are so dang cute, they keep my BP down from stroke level on days like this.

“I meet the criteria” (fails to provide what criteria demand)

Full list of references or gtfo, my dude.

My representative is the only republican in my state to vote no. Then again most of my district is the highly-educated surrounding suburbs of the DC-metro area. She knows her constituents and merely wants to keep her job (she’s pretty much making up for pissing off everyone for: recently being a no show for a town…

These animals are sub-human and yes I am using that terminology on purpose.

Numerous reporters spotted carts of Bud Light being rolled into the Capitol in preparation for a GOP House celebration.

I think if I became President, the first thing I would do is round up the House and Senate Republicans and execute them for treason. Because that’s what they are guilty of. I always suspected they were, but this is just the flat-out definition.

So, basically this:

♫ A super callous fragile racist sexist Nazi POTUS.
Even now the sound of it is simply quite atrocious.
Maybe if you drink enough it won’t seem all that hopeless.
Our super callous fragile racist sexist Nazi POTUS. ♫ 

Margaret Atwood.

This is the utterly charmless book version of what a kid thinks “work” is like.

I casually knew Ivanka Trump for several years. Her target audience is almost exclusively other people who were born on third base and think they hit a triple.

“As good fortune would have it, we had a bodyguard that summer,” she writes. They persuaded their bodyguard to buy lemonade, and then their driver, and then the maids, who “dug deep for their spare change.” The lesson, she says, is that the kids “made the best of a bad situation.”

They are so ignorant of the actual drug problem in this country. They’re going to lock up some blacks and browns and forget the doctors and pharmacists doling out the Oxys and Percs.

(That’s the joke.)

The backwardness of the “drugs pouring over the border” angle is astounding. First, most all of the weed smoked in the US these days is grown here. No one wants to smoke the Mexican product. Second, the the drugs that are ruining the rust belt are prescription opioids, made by the companies that funded his goddamned…

The hottest of takes.