misread as sh!tty af.
but that too.

I get the feeling this gif is going to come in handy a lot.

It’s the face you make when someone accidentally drops a sexual innuendo in a super-serious office meeting and you want to laugh but you look around the room and realize you might be the only one who picked up on it... From here on out can we just call that the Stacy Dash?

I’m 100% sure she did not get the joke.

The point in my life where I feel so old I have absolutely no idea who this is someone change my bedpan please.

I’m so sorry. I put my cat down a year and a half ago. My advice— be there when they do it, because they will look for you if you’re not. Hold him and tell him how much you love him and pet him in his favorite spot. You will be surprised how ready they are. You will cry your face off, but the vet doesn’t mind. It’s…

How painful that you couldn’t be there at the end. But your writing is wonderful. Give yourself some downtime; it takes the pain a long time to lose its sharp edge, but it really never goes away.

Someone needs to sit me down and explain it to me, too. I don’t get it. I don’t think Killer Mike said anything wrong. I don’t think Bernie said anything wrong. And like, yeah he’s an old white man, and we’ve had a lot of old white men. Hillary would be different, because she’s an old white woman. Technically Bernie…

Counterpoint: this is awesome

They'll send 48. What's the O/U on how many come back?

I’ve read most of the posts about the song, sort of semi watched the half time show and I still haven’t watched the video or listened to the song. It’s kind of more fun that way.

That is a spot on description of every Libertarian I’ve ever known.

“So…

No, no... you misunderstand... her kids are white.

Maybe before jumping to the conclusion that I’m a person who loathes Hillary and is calling her a cunt and then freaking out about it, you should consider the possibility that I’ve got nothing against her and this is a lyrical substitution of a well-known Kelis song parodying the whole Berniebro phenomenon in the…

fub fact: The proverb “blood is thicker than water” is actually incomplete. The full proverb is “the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb” and means the total opposite. Bonds by choice are stronger than those that just happen by birth and one had no say in.

Your parents sound like they don’t know what real fun is.

I’m so sorry :(

NH holds a “lesser known candidates” debate every presidential cycle, because anyone who wants to part with $1000 can be on the NH presidential ballot. Vermin was not allowed to participate this year because in 2011, he glitter bombed Randall Terry - the forced incubation terrorist.

15 years ago my friends pranked me really hard that I won the DC shoes monthly giveaway by calling my house and acting like they were from DC. I was suckered really good and got laughed at for weeks. So I wrote DC an email telling them about this story and how I should win it for real and punk those guys right back. I…